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Author Topic: [FIGHT SCENES YAYAY] The Agni Saga- Part I Drifting memories (chapter 3 Loss)  (Read 7473 times)

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Offline adithya

Hey guys, I'm rolling out with these chapters pretty fast. But I spent more time on this one and made it longer, as some of the suggestions had come out. I think everything that needs context was made clear in the last chapter.

Chapter 1: https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=2913.msg50195#msg50195

Chapter 2: https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=2917.msg50245#msg50245

Chapter 4: https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=2928.msg50391#msg50391


Anyway, Here Goes:

PART I- DRIFTING MEMORIES



Chapter III Loss

It was a dark night when Hiro Yagami shoved Sareko into the ramen shop. As he walked slowly, emitting an aura of defensiveness, Hiro held his beautifully crafted and chakra enlightened bamboo kunai, ready to strike down any man who dared to threaten him. After a good minute of waiting, Hiro finally flung his kunai at the roof of a building in front of the ramen shop. With effort, he launched himself after the kunai. In a flash, Sareko saw his master getting struck by a leg.

Hiro’s jump was broken, landing him on his frail yet sturdy feet, as he descended to the ground again. Two men, dressed in all white, with contrasting jet black hair, ran at Hiro, throwing punches. Easily blocking and countering the two shinobi, Hiro guarded himself for the attack from above.


The man, who had kicked Hiro down, was different from the ones he had beaten a few seconds ago. He landed on Hiro’s perfect block, and retreated back to the ground. Hiro and the one who jumped on him, engaged in a battle of Taijutsu, which Hiro struggled to keep up at. Getting pounded multiple times and his temple now bleeding, Hiro retreated back while pulling a Kunai from the shinobi, and flung it at one of the other attackers, while he extended his leg to counter another’s advances. Taking advantage of this chance, the Shinobi in front of Hiro who had just pushed Hiro back, punched Hiro in the face, blurring his vision. With his leg still off the ground, Hiro kicked the shinobi’s torso.



It was night, when Sareko approached a village a few days south of Chikaze’s. He kept walking, till he finally saw a ramen distillery. Sareko collapsed at the shop exhausted from his travel. He had only berries to eat on his way to the village after his experiences with the squirrel.

He woke up to the roof of the ramen shop. The owner had laid him on one of the tables to rest. He had taken the liberty of going through Sareko’s pockets. Seeing as he had no money or food, the owner placed a bowl of hot ramen in front of Sareko. Without uttering a word, he gobbled up his savior’s food. Satisfied with his helping, Sareko thanked the owner with a bow, and asked to help around the shop for repaying the owner’s kindness. The owner nodded, and hired Sareko for helping out in return for food and shelter.

The next day, when Sareko was doing the dishes for the owner, he heard a scream come from the alley next to the shop.

 Rushing to help, Sareko stumbled upon a lady struggling to fight off the owner. Horrified, he separated them, readied himself for the consequences of his action. The owner shouted ‘YOU DARE LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME BOY?!’ ‘I GAVE YOU FOOD AND SHELTER’ Sareko was still in front of the woman, shielding her. ‘I know you helped me, but I can’t overlook this. What you’re doing is a crime.’ Growling, the manager lunged at Sareko. Moving swiftly, he sidestepped, and chopped the manager on his neck. Sareko pulled the girl away, and asked her to run. Now just the two of them, Sareko took out a knife he had taken from the Manager’s workstation. Ready to defeat his opponent, Sareko pounced.






Gasping for air, the old man held his ground against his three attackers. Hiro finally over powered the leader of the attackers, and kicked him back to where he came from: the roof of the building. Now that it was only the three of them, Hiro knocked one of them out, and got hurt by the other. The remaining shinobi threw a kunai at Hiro, which landed in his right shoulder. The old man pulled it out, and tore off his black, damaged, blood soaked clothing. He freed his thinning, white hair which had been rolled into a bun. Sareko saw, that his master’s hand was hurt badly, was bleeding and almost unusable… almost.

Hiro Yagami, with a wounded right arm, in the midst of fighting the remaining shinobi, saw from the corner of his eye, his bamboo kunai flying at him. He retreated back, and observed his surroundings. He decided, removing his defensive stance, that he would make his last stand here. He would end the fight right there. The leader of the attackers dropped down from the building. There was a dead silence.



Sareko easily over powered the manager, kneeing him in the face. He quickly disabled the manager’s legs, and threatened him, with the knife at the manager’s throat. ‘Give up. There is a clear winner, and it is not you.’ said Sareko. ‘YOU UNGRATEFUL FOOL’ belched the manager. The next thing he knew, Sareko had cut the manager on both his arms. The manager was screaming in pain.

By now, the fight had caused quite a commotion. Both the ends of the alley were filled with people responding to the sounds of commotion. Realizing the amount of trouble he had headed for, Sareko without want, slashed at the manager, rendering him disabled. He could never cook anymore. Sareko took off, heading into the Ramen store; he swiped any cash the manager had made, found the kunai that the manager had hidden, and made a run for the tree where he had caught the squirrel.



Hiro ran towards his attackers, throwing, landing, receiving and blocking punches and kicks. When they seemed distracted enough, He stepped back again, and finally lifted his injured arm, and made the hand seals for the katon jutsu. The attackers realized what was going to happen, and began to retreat.
 The leader retreated successfully, but the other attacker flung his last kunai at Hiro, which pierced his left knee. This made Hiro aim directly at the attacker, who got completely burnt by the katon. Now on his knee, with an arm that can’t be moved and a leg that was useless, Hiro realized that the fight had come to an end, and that he had lost.

The leader approached Hiro, with the bamboo kunai in his hand. He dug the dagger deep into Hiro’s wounds, making him cry in anguish. ‘Now THAT was a fight’ said a rough voice. ‘I’ve got to tell you, old man. You were strong. Probably would’ve beaten me alone. Good thing I brought my back up’ he completed as he removed the Kunai.

‘Go to hell’ Hiro replied. ‘Oh I will. I just want that ultimate power of yours before I do’ he said mockingly. The man stuck the kunai into Hiro’s right eye.  Hiro felt his warm blood splatter everywhere, as he deafened himself with his screams of pain.

Sareko watching from the window could smell his master’s blood. He could see his master’s dark face become red. Not with anger or embarrassment like it usually is, but with fear and helplessness. Tears filled his eyes as he witnessed his master’s pathetic, last moments.


‘Shout all you want old man. No one here is coming to get you. NO ONE WILL EVER COME TO HELP YOU’ Sareko’s inner voice told him to move, to help his master, to ask for help. His body and mouth did not comply. He simply teared up, too scared to do anything.

‘NOW TELL ME….TELL ME THE SECRET THAT ALL YOUR KIN DIED PROTECTING’ ‘NO. I WON’T LET YOU WIN!’ Hiro said with his last few breaths. ‘Fine then  I’ll just have to deprive you of your vision from both eyes.’ He stuck the kunai into Hiro’s other eye.

Hiro couldn’t think anymore. He had held off for so long. He had tried for so long… So no one could blame him, could they? After all, they were dead… long gone… and Sareko didn’t know much, nothing at all. There was no one he could betray anymore.


Hiro Yagami gave in.


‘The Kazangakure elder…. He has the plans…’


The man was shocked. He removed the kunai from Hiro’s eye and threatened him.

‘YOU BETTER NOT BE LYING, OLD MAN. I CAN DESTROY THIS ENTIRE VILLAGE THAT HOUSED YOU.’


‘I…. Swear… That’s where the plans are’


Satisfied with Hiro’s reactions, the man placed the Kunai on his throat and said

‘that was easy, wasn’t it old man? Now let go.’

In the dead silence, the prefix that gives the silence meaning came to pass, with a single sound that deprived Sareko the happiness and teachings that would've been. He had heard his master play the flute for the last time that night. 'Did I ever thank him?' Sareko thought.




                                       *Slash*




And just like that, with the stroke of a kunai, Sareko lost his last living relative.




---------THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!-------

So this chapter was just supposed to be the other half of the previous chapter. But I lost myself, and made it big. Anyway, as usual, tell me what you liked and disliked so I can improve next chapter.


« Last Edit: January 24, 2017, 14:56:24 by adithya »



Offline Diamond Lee

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 Nice nice
A bit confusing in the beggining but then it made sense


Much mystery O.o
Let the power of youth wash over you and fill you with strength!


-lethal dankness

Offline mamita

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This is so awesome!
That is such a nice fight scene!

                                          HIDDEN VOLCANO DISCORD
                                         
                                          https://discord.gg/GuXQmXf

Offline adithya

Nice nice
A bit confusing in the beggining but then it made sense


Much mystery O.o

Thanks man :D

And the mystery. :3

Offline adithya

This is so awesome!
That is such a nice fight scene!

Thanks bro!

Offline Tsunayoshi

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I think you should post it all in one thread. :X


Good story, though
« Last Edit: December 25, 2016, 18:22:26 by Tsunayoshi »
  • Character Name: Tsunayoshi Kaiyo


Offline adithya

I think you should post it all in one thread. :X


Good story, though

Yeah. I would but each chapter is too long and it won't make sense to put it in one post. And it seems cluttered now cause i uploaded like in half a day. It'll seem normal once the next chapter hits.

Thanks though

Offline taigakun

Eyyy i liked this one a lot. And you described the different scenes extremely well too. Good job man


Offline Manuster

This is fucking brilliant - one tip however would be to separate the 2 scenes with this;




just type "[h.r]" without the full stop between each changing scene, it'd make it alot easier to tell that its a different setting
RIP my old sig, got too annoying for even me

Offline adithya

Eyyy i liked this one a lot. And you described the different scenes extremely well too. Good job man
Thanks man :D

This is fucking brilliant - one tip however would be to separate the 2 scenes with this;




just type "[h.r]" without the full stop between each changing scene, it'd make it alot easier to tell that its a different setting
Alright. I'll do that from the next chapter. Thanks man :D

Offline StriderOtaku

Adi, gotta say, your writing prowess is noteworthy and the fight scenes were proof of that. A little indicator next time showing where a change of scenes occurred would be nice. In this chapter, I can say your work was almost flawless.
I did notice the mentioning of Mars' ramen. If I'm not mistaken, Mars is supposed to be 12 so isn't it unlikely that his franchise already existed at the time when your character was just 8? Anyways, overall gj
« Last Edit: December 26, 2016, 01:18:14 by StriderOtaku »
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Offline adithya

Adi, gotta say, your writing prowess is noteworthy and the fight scenes were proof of that. A little indicator next time showing where a change of scenes occurred would be nice. In this chapter, I can say your work was almost flawless.
I did notice the mentioning of Mars' ramen. If I'm not mistaken, Mars is supposed to be 12 so isn't it unlikely that his franchise already existed at the time when your character was just 8? Anyways, overall gj

Thanks man :D and it was just a wink at something existing in the sloverse. It's not meant to play a role in the future :P
You can see, that in the sareko fight scene i made it just a ramen shop xD

And yeah. I'll include the indicators from. The next chapter.

Anyway. Thanks xD

Offline Toratsume Nyshn

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    Glory to the Black Rose
Gj adi... read all the chapters rn... going well bruh :)
Plus rep




Offline adithya

Gj adi... read all the chapters rn... going well bruh :)
Plus rep

Thanks bruh