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Author Topic: Chapter 8 - Dark History  (Read 4133 times)

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Offline Fraudulent

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Chapter 8 - Dark History
« on: April 26, 2017, 23:38:30 »
The tension between the Kage and his right-hand man was unsteady. Vizier decided to take immediate measures to retrieve Kimoto.

“Hayame, we must return the boy back to safety in the Hidden Dust!” He pleaded with despair.

The Kage exhaled and dragged his head backwards, his eyes closed with relaxation.
“Do we really need to shelter thugs in our village?” he questioned apathetically, almost cold-heartedly.

Vizier burst out with anger and slammed his right palm against the wooden desk; the impact managed to slightly shake one the Kage’s expensive, glass bongs.

“He is young and full of potential!”
“I can’t believe you’re turning your back to this kid when there are clearly bigger issues and threats to be worrying about!” his breathing transformed into dynamic sequences of gasping.

The blunt had reached the end of its life as Hayame shuffled it across the surface of a steel ashtray which rested nearby.
“Fine, fine – I’ll dispatch a pursuit squad if that hooligan means this much to you” Hayame asserted with a hint of irritation in his voice.

Dara was the only inhabitant of his lair, he refused to make connections or experience change. Not after his great loss ten years ago.

He would often unveil the grey cloak which shielded the most valuable thing to him, the memories he cherished the most. Those memories brought him back to when he was a different man, a man with happiness.

His pale hand swooped down and gently stroked the face of a young girl behind a picture frame. It rested on a wooden crate with a single dead rose in a slim vase to the left; its fallen petals were crisp and lifeless.

What’s wrong? his young, soft voice questioned with concern.

Nothing, everything’s fine a tender and silvery tone replied. It belonged to a girl just a little bit shorter than him. Her long, brown hair was waved by the gentle breeze, and her bright smile glowed with reassurance.
A tear slowly curled down Dara’s cheeks as more scenarios flickered through his mind.

I don't like you, I love you
I won't date you, I'll marry you
I wouldn't take pain for you, I would give up my life for yours
You're not the reason I'm happy, you're the reason I still breathe
her eyes met his, accompanied by a faint smile.

Dara’s grip around the frame tightened as he squinted in sorrow. Thoughts of the past slowly infested his mind, provoking sudden grief and anger.

Her delicate voice called out one last time.
I just wanted to talk with you for a little longer…

The ground shook on impact as the suited man collapsed to his knees. Tears continued to drop in aimless torrents around him.

Dara twisted to the right and swiftly snatched a katana planted on a stand beside the crate.

His arms violently swung to and fro, repeatedly penetrating his torso and shredding vital organs, however, every jab healed immediately, leaving behind nothing but an unpleasant, white scar.

“Why, why, why?!”

The screams grew progressively louder with aggression, but quickly met their end when he dropped the tool and slumped his body forward, forehead flat on the ground. Tears dripped off his sullen face onto the glass shield covering the image.

“Erisa, why?” his cry became faint and bellowed through the dome.


Vizier and Nibui impatiently waited outside the Kage building and watched as the pursuit squad prepared their canine companions for the journey ahead.

“What’s all the clothing for?” Nibui questioned in the distance.

A young, ginger haired woman who was loading her bag turned her head towards him.
“It’s to protect them from the sand storms; they also have small, leather patches shielding their eyes for obvious reasons”

The confused expression on Nibui’s face quickly shifted to the one of an enlightened student.
“Ah-ha, that makes a lot of sense now!” he picked on his chin where a small beard had begun to sprout.

Vizier lowered and simultaneously shook his head with embarrassment.
“Retarded” he muttered under his breath as the girl chuckled with a bright smile.

It didn’t take long before she stood up and exhaled, hands steady on her hips
“Alright, we’re set to go, now all I need is a piece of clothing that has Kimoto’s scent for the dogs”

Vizier reached in his pockets and withdrew a tattered, black vest before firing it towards the lady.
“That’s all we have of him, so be careful” he warned with concern.

She bent down, lowering the vest to the nose of each hound, making sure they took a firm sniff.
One by one, without warning they all took off into the distance, leaving behind nothing but a large cloud of dust.

“Well, looks like we’re off too!” she smiled back at them.




Personal note: I'm personally not happy with the production of this chapter. It was quite difficult for me to write to my full potential under certain circumstances. I understand if you think this chapter is shit.







 

« Last Edit: April 26, 2017, 23:46:29 by Snoopy »


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Offline Manuster

Re: Chapter 8 - Dark History
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2017, 02:01:38 »
Rip actually quite liked it

Dara's going thru some Obio level shit right now

just alot more...sad
RIP my old sig, got too annoying for even me

Offline taigakun

Re: Chapter 8 - Dark History
« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2017, 08:50:09 »
Far from shit man i really liked it. Really looking forward to more fam


Offline StriderOtaku

Re: Chapter 8 - Dark History
« Reply #3 on: April 27, 2017, 10:16:59 »
Can't quite get enough of Dara. And that question from Nibui tho, retarded af.
I liked the chapter. Could've added more nuance to the dispatch squad so we actually feel for them when they're cut down by my man Dara but besides that, it's honestly a good chapter.  Why do you think it's shit?
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Offline Fraudulent

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Re: Chapter 8 - Dark History
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2017, 11:36:14 »
Rip actually quite liked it

Dara's going thru some Obio level shit right now

just alot more...sad
Thanks, and yeah, he's been through some shit.

Far from shit man i really liked it. Really looking forward to more fam
More will be coming soon :)

Can't quite get enough of Dara. And that question from Nibui tho, retarded af.
I liked the chapter. Could've added more nuance to the dispatch squad so we actually feel for them when they're cut down by my man Dara but besides that, it's honestly a good chapter.  Why do you think it's shit?
Dara is yet to undergo core character development. Rapho was generous enough to begin drawing the characters present in my story, and this is because I am planning on doing something like @America done with Chitsuki where characters have their own profiles that give them a rough outline.

I think it was shit because I began drifting with the chapter and the storyline.
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Offline Toratsume Nyshn

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Re: Chapter 8 - Dark History
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2017, 16:25:02 »
Drifting from the plot?
Well this can be plot development

But the hints to Dara's past came too early... probably I believe because of ...well.. stuff u goinf thru (idk.. I start imagining things very quickly). Now the question is whether he is on a wrong path of righteousness or a completely wrong path anyways....

Hope you write in full potential soon. :)




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Re: Chapter 8 - Dark History
« Reply #6 on: April 27, 2017, 17:36:45 »
Drifting from the plot?
Well this can be plot development

But the hints to Dara's past came too early... probably I believe because of ...well.. stuff u goinf thru (idk.. I start imagining things very quickly). Now the question is whether he is on a wrong path of righteousness or a completely wrong path anyways....

Hope you write in full potential soon. :)
Drifting as in, my thoughts were all over the place when writing this chapter. I was skidding and drifting all over the story, unsure where to start and what to begin developing.

Recent events influenced Dara's section in this chapter. The quotes were rather personal which made things really difficult for me to handle at the time, but I did initially intend on developing Dara with such backstory, the moment was very perfectly timed and coincidental.

We will find more about him soon :)
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