Takame Akagure (The Deadly Devil)

[MrZero77]

Takame Akagure

nickname: The Deadly Devil

gender:male

age:112 (but still look like a teen cuze he is a half immortal)

heigth:166 cm

hiar color:white

eyes color:red in the right eye an black in the left eye

Facial hair: No

Blood type:A+

Primary chakra nature: lightning

Kekkei Genkai: the demon eye

Hidden Village: Hidden Thunder

personality: Intelligent ninja, funny and lazy but in the hard time he is cold and deadly

story:
takame was a young boy lived with his family in a small village called (katakare) his fathar was one of the most 5 strongest  shinobis in the world and his right eye was red and powerfull so he called (the red eye ninja) and his big brother
was one of the strongest shinobi in the (katakare) villge and his mother was a pro shinobi with rare Kekkei Genkai , before the first great shinobi war a shinobi army from ( Hidden Haze ) attacked takame's small villge while takame's father was on a S rank mission and
his big brother got killed there trying to protect his little brother and sister and from that moment the little kid that called takame promised that he will revange for his big brother's death , then takame and his mother and little sister moved to
the hidden thunder village and takame joined the shinobi school with his little sister , after 2 years takame received the news about his father's death in a S rank mission , soon takame turn into a skilled young shinobi and his age was 12 then he joined with his mother in the 2nd shinobi great war and soon they joined to an assasinaion forces
they did well and they did there duty and soon the war ended takame and his mother return to the hill village and for all the things takme did in the 2nd great war he received the jonin rank but the time ran fast and the 3rd shinobi great war started takame and his mother and sister joined the war...
and soon takame and his mother joined to an special squad called (the five great shinobis) with another 3 powerfull shinobis and they sent to a special rank missions but at the same time takame's sister was in front line of the army....
and takame went in a hard time , soon the war trun into a realy deadly battleground and the five great shinobis squad attacked on a one of the haze village's bases , takame remebered his big brother's death and he was angry and sad that day... but soon takame's squad was in front of an big army from the haze village the squad didnt had another choice
the squad went in a hard fight and they killed a lot of shinobis takame's mother activated her Kekkei Genkai.... soon 3 members of the squad died and the only survivors was takame and his mother against a whole army...
takame's mother got tired and she deactivated her Kekkei Genkai and for that she died...
takame was in shock and he was very angry and sad at the same time , his right eye turned into a red and he felt a legndary chakra in his body....
a new eye born from takame's rage , he begin to attack the army and he was very powerfull and deadly with his new eyes he took down the most of the army with out any weapon killing every shinobi from the haze village
soon the battlefiled turned into a bath of blood the leader of the army ordered his army to retreat but takame didnt leave them to escape
soon takame and the leader was only in the bettlefield the leader was so scared but in secs he died from takame's attack
the young man takame lost his father and mother and his big brother but he made his promise and revange... and becuse that takame was known as (the deadly devil)
soon the 3rd great war ended and the only one who left for takame was his sister , but soon his sister died from a disease
after 3 years of piece takame decided to be a jonin teacher and now after 60 years takame noticed he is a half immortal and
he cant die without got killed from another stronger shinobi.
joining heathen
Soon he heared about the heathen and he wanted to spy on them to make sure they are not thinking about the thunder kage's assassination and he was right
after 5 years of spying he can make sure that the thunder kage is save ... but soon he was thinking about joining the Heathen Org not to spy on them but he wanted to feel the experience being a part of them.

my character's pic:
 


i hope you liked my character and sorry for my english

[taigakun]

There are somethings that are very unclear, like the fact that he is half immortal, but only a stronger shinobi can kill him. I mean of course someone stronger than you can kill you, so does that make everyone one in SLO half immortal?

But apart from that and a few other things, it was well laid out and i like your character picture too.

Good job overall

[StriderOtaku]

I would suggest making a few edits(typos are common tho but can still be confusing) and dropping the kkg  for something closer to vregland or just make it a sidenote(there is no way to be sure that kkg will be in game and even if it will, there's less than a 1% chance you'll get it). Apart from that everything else seems to be in order.
The story is really interesting.

Spoiler: show

That character pic is sick! gj on that

[HavvicGames]

The story is really interesting. KKG is rare (You can dream though) so I would suggest leaving that out until the game is done and edit it back in if you get one. Character pic looks really cool.

[Manuster]

name:Takame

gender:male

age:112 (but still look like a teen cuze he is a half immortal)

@SirTroll

[taigakun]

name:Takame

gender:male

age:112 (but still look like a teen cuze he is a half immortal)

@SirTroll

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

[MrZero77]

name:Takame

gender:male

age:112 (but still look like a teen cuze he is a half immortal)

@SirTroll

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

   @_@ i didnt understand waht are you trying to say ? xD

[takami]

hey, you try to copy my name xD

[MrZero77]

hey, you try to copy my name xD

nope i swear i created the name before i saw your character XD

[StriderOtaku]

name:Takame

gender:male

age:112 (but still look like a teen cuze he is a half immortal)

@SirTroll

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

   @_@ i didnt understand waht are you trying to say ? xD

MrZero, SirTroll is the only previous member to have created a character as old as yours(probably older seeing as he's as old as sand itself). Hence, the reference.

[Manuster]

name:Takame

gender:male

age:112 (but still look like a teen cuze he is a half immortal)

By the way a little question but how can someone be half immortal

[America]

warning

a kasuke has been spotted

warning

please relocate to your previously assigned kasuke protection destination

warning

[Ken]

KASUKE IS THAT YOU ?

@America ITS KASUKE!!!!!!!!

[Fraudulent]

"Age: 112"
Jheesh, your guy's gonna break his back when he bends down!

Couple grammatical and spelling mistakes here and there - don't blame you if English is not your first language. In general your character seems too cliché, so you could improve by making it somewhat reflect yourself more.

[MrZero77]

name:Takame

gender:male

age:112 (but still look like a teen cuze he is a half immortal)

By the way a little question but how can someone be half immortal

it means that (takame) cant die from going too old or a disease and his body will not get any older so you can see him as a teen but he can only get killed by killing him (i hope you understand it)