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Author Topic: Hiruko Kaze  (Read 3029 times)

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Offline Hiruko

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Re: Hiruko
« Reply #30 on: April 11, 2017, 12:02:15 »
Well, da furst ting to say would be to obviously proofread

3rd sentence;

"Due his injury, Hiruko’s father couldn’t do anything helpful, that means his mother did everything in the household"

Due TO his injury....that meanT his mother did everything in/for the household
Thank you, masta! (english isnt my first language and I suck in english tbh) I'll correct it



Offline Hiruko

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Re: Hiruko
« Reply #31 on: April 12, 2017, 10:21:06 »
Life before Academy Chapter is out!

again, please give me constructive criticism, Thank you! :P



Offline Manuster

Re: Hiruko
« Reply #32 on: April 12, 2017, 15:19:23 »
weeeew

ik english aint your first language now but grammars still the biggest issue

and murder? cause of some bullies seems a bit.....wew >.> <.<

besides that tho its not bad
RIP my old sig, got too annoying for even me

Offline Hiruko

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Re: Hiruko
« Reply #33 on: April 12, 2017, 15:23:51 »
weeeew

ik english aint your first language now but grammars still the biggest issue

and murder? cause of some bullies seems a bit.....wew >.> <.<

besides that tho its not bad
The murder thing is coming to be a big plot twist later :P And I know grammar is a big issue, my grammar sucks. I'll be ok, as long as everyone understands it



Offline Tsunayoshi

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Re: Hiruko
« Reply #34 on: April 12, 2017, 22:19:58 »
It's really good
  • Character Name: Tsunayoshi Kaiyo


Offline AbeMelbs

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Re: Hiruko
« Reply #35 on: April 12, 2017, 22:33:45 »
Awesome dude, gj. You included me well ;)
  • Character Name: Kyuzaki
The Angel of Death spread his wings in the blast. And breath'd in the face of his foe as he pass'd.



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Offline Hiruko

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Re: Hiruko
« Reply #36 on: April 13, 2017, 07:59:27 »
It's really good
Thank youu!!
Awesome dude, gj. You included me well ;)
Thank you ^^



Offline Hiruko

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Re: Hiruko
« Reply #37 on: April 13, 2017, 11:21:37 »
Life in Academy chapter is out!

Again, I beg for constructive criticism!



Offline Hiruko

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Re: Hiruko Kaze
« Reply #38 on: July 17, 2017, 09:27:01 »
Chapter 4

(So, I was inactive for a while now, but now I have the urge again to continue this, please give me constructive criticism if you find any mistakes! Thank you!)


Many, many days have passed like this. Hiruko and his class were at the training fields and they trained Taijutsu, Shurikenjutsu, Ninjutsu, and physical chakra training. Although they got homework, practical worksheets. Hiruko was very smart, his IQ was probably more over than average.

Every day after academy, Hiruko went to a lonely place in the village and trained his strange black thing there. He formed black wind balls on his fingers and literally snapped them to the ground. They had a tiny explosion, like firecrackers. Due to the practical chakra training and the worksheets for home, he knew how to train this special black wind thing. On a lot of days, weird professors were literally stalking him. They wrote notes on a paper and such, but Hiruko didn’t really care about that.

At the evening before the genin exam, he walked to the orphanage. He was exhausted like every evening when he came back home. But he saw a little girl standing in front of the orphanage, it was Ayumi!.
“Ehm… I..I.. knit that for…. You.” She said very very shyly.
She was holding a scarf in her hand, a quite long scarf to be honest.
“I knit that, for tomorrow! I hope…. You get genin..” She said with a smile this time.

Hiruko crouched down and pet her head.
“Thank you, Ayumi. I will take care of it.” He said with a bright smile.
Normally Hiruko is very cold and hateful, but this time he just couldn’t resist to smile.
As he walked in with Ayumi, he saw Kyu talking with Kaa-chan. They discussed a lot, mostly every evening. Kyu came from a hunting clan here in the snow, the Kamakiri. But his Father died and he never really knew his mother. Kyu was hunting a lot, but Kaa-chan didn’t allowed that. So Kyu was very pissed at her.

Hiruko crouched down and whispered into Ayumi’s ear,
“Go to your room, don’t worry, they are always like that.” He said, knowing that Ayumi was scared about that.

Ayumi walked upstairs to her room and Hiruko just walked past Kaa-chan and Kyu, with his eyes closed and his hands in his pockets. As he walked past them he said something,
“Kaa-chan, I hope you know what you did to me.”
He said, meaning the black wind things. Hiruko knew that she implanted him the black chakra. But he didn’t knew that it was chakra, and that it was a forbidden and powerful chakra.

After that, Kaa-chan stopped talking with Kyu and her eyes got wide open.
“Sorry Hiruko, I won’t talk with you about that.” She said with a smile, she acted like nothing happened, because Kyu probably didn’t hear what Hiruko said.
“Go up to your room, Hiruko and Kyu.” She said, with a pissed smile on her face.
Hiruko and Kyu walked upstairs to their room.

“Yo, Hiruko. I will probably go away soon. I’m going to a organization, called Vongola. But don’t ever tell that Kaa-chan!” He said

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay here one more year and then I’ll go too. Probably we will meet somewhere, am I right?” He said with a smile. And walked to his bed, laying down in his bed.

“But when we meet somewhere, we need to fight, ok? I want to know how strong you are then!” He said. Laying down in his bed too.

“Yes, yes. We’ll fight if we meet.” He said with a cold voice



Offline AbeMelbs

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Re: Hiruko Kaze
« Reply #39 on: July 17, 2017, 11:06:06 »
Nicely done, good job bro. I like how you implemented our stories! :)
  • Character Name: Kyuzaki
The Angel of Death spread his wings in the blast. And breath'd in the face of his foe as he pass'd.



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Offline Hiruko

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Re: Hiruko Kaze
« Reply #40 on: July 17, 2017, 11:20:17 »
Nicely done, good job bro. I like how you implemented our stories! :)
Thank you fam.



 

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