Right off the bat, we have the character name, Ataki Himitsu. The clan doesn't really matter, anyone can be part of a clan, and I've no real reason to care about whom you choose to be affiliated with. The first name, however, I did happen to be interested in. A name can mean a lot of things, giving us in-depth info on just "who" this character is.
...or it can be something pulled off of the internet, and randomly chosen based on how it sounds (guess which guy took THIS route >> ^_^ <<).
Due to the Internet's rather...limited definitions of Japanese names, it isn't surprising that I only managed to find one source on the definition of it, which can be described here: http://www.kabalarians.com/Male/ataki.htm
If anything this is at LEAST a nice touch for the change in character later on, and I'll give credit for interest where it is due.
Age 22, no problem. Gender is--[i]again[/i]--no problemo. Height, 6'ft? Little bit odd, but hey, who's going to judge? Weight, 174 lbs...might be a bit light but okay, moving on (maybe he's slender, *shrugs*). Hair-style...yeah, happens a lot, I can understand this one tbh. Hair/Eye color, all clear. Blood-type, A+...little bit unoriginal, but we'll roll with it. Village of bir--alright, this part is meaningless in this critique. As I said before, I don't mind much whom you're affiliated with.
[quote author=mislav000 link=topic=1884.msg24858#msg24858 date=1444749346]
[color=red]Good or Evil at heart: Evil[/color]
[/quote]
Mmmmmm....can't you just SMELL what's coming? I know I can...given that this is a certain someone who types in letters [size=36pt][color=red]36[/color][/size]pt in size.
Now we get to what I commonly know as a Mary Sue, that one character that's just something so fucking insanely powerful and overrated, that we simply CAN'T believe them to be true. This particular trope-clone is described as a:
[quote author=mislav000 link=topic=1884.msg24858#msg24858 date=1444749346]
[color=red]...brilliant, sharp minded person who has set upon the path of destruction and chaos.Seemingly kind, Ataki tricks people into trusting him,and later tortures them with the most painful methods he can come up with.He has incredible skill, but he paid a heavy price to obtain such power. Only for the sake of his ultimate goal, the world with only one ruler, where all would bow before him...[/color]
[/quote]
But don't worry, dear reader, for you see--[i]like any Anakin Skywalker[/i]--he: [quote author=mislav000 link=topic=1884.msg24858#msg24858 date=1444749346]
[color=red]...wasn't always like that.[/color]
[/quote]
Yes, we see it now, the beautiful, prosperous village he lived in, equipped with the full arsenal of flowers and Chocobo's glistening under an illuminated rainbow of sparkles and Disney magic. Numerous Bambis frolic in the background alongside their--[i]still living, mind you[/i]--mothers while Little Sisters laugh and giggle their pale little faces off under the loving green bi-polar gaze of their Big Daddies. Yes, it's wonderful, and from this lovely little magical land of Peacefulvania, comes our hero, who was a[quote author=mislav000 link=topic=1884.msg24858#msg24858 date=1444749346]
[color=red]...kind person, a bit shy yet strong...[/color][/quote] and [i]"aldo"[/i]--[i]we're guessing he was also bored of this stereotypical character to care about typos[/i]--his talent was [quote author=mislav000 link=topic=1884.msg24858#msg24858 date=1444749346]
[color=red]...not too great, his mind was the sharpest in the entire village.[/color][/quote]
We continue on now, past our little Naruto-fan-fiction, and on to the next paragraph--[i]gods, what a long journey...I'm feeling exhausted from reading already, when will we ge[/i]--where we learn he is...*gasp*...called "trash" for having not very good talents.
OMG THE FEEEEELLLZZZZZ BRO, LIKE, Y DONT THES PEPLE JUS...LEAV HIM ALONE BRO LIKE, WHY IS EVERYON SO MEAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
#Poorimpersonations
Well, even Naruto got out of his little pickle, let's see if our dear friend learned the same lesson of [i]"manning the fuck up and getting on with his life". [/i]
Nope, turns out his father wanted to kill him and throw him out because of his son's relatively Chunin-like levels of skill.
Man, what a dad...probably buys his son coal every Christmas and then makes him eat it...*dream dad moment*.
Anyway, our hero get's attacked--[i]maybe he happened to be mistaken for an NPC by random players...?[/i]--and loses a friend in the process. All the sudden ([i]dun dun DUUUUUNNN[/i]) we find out that one of the attackers was his MOM O.O)
Well...this mom tops Precious's mother as the new [b]Grade A Bitch[/b]. Let's move on and see just what happens next.
...oh, right. I guess that's normal, you know, going into depression. I'll give him points for having made at least ONE realistic side-effect of being--[i]for no particularly well explained reason[/i]--the most hated person in town [b]and[/b] having lost a friend [b]and[/b] having killed his own mom on accident [b]despite[/b] that she clearly wanted to give him a Colombian Neck-Tie.
Eventually, he goes insane from guilt, killing off his father and--[i]like the best brother in the world[/i]--his seemingly innocent sibling as well ^_^). He then vanishes faster than Vreg can say "Not until Tuesday" and goes off the grid like the totally skilled CHUNIN LEVEL NINJA that he is, bypassing the hunter-nin, rogue shinobi, and other completely unaddressed dangers scattered widely throughout the world with his "Pass Go: Collect 200 Lucky Silver Dollars" card.
At this point in the story, we're told that--[i]as our Messiah character walked the earth, probably clad in robes and followed by at least a baker's dozen of disciples; whilst sporting the most epic of spectacles and long, flowing white Gandalf-beards[/i]--he was visited by a strange--[i]also completely unexplained[/i]--voice that promised him "raddddddical bro" amounts power, beyond even HIS day-time masturbation fantasies..and we're pretty sure he had a lot of those...or at least his author did. That self-same author then--[i]in some sort of a confused attempt to create a COMPELLING character for once[/i]--tells us that Ataki knows that he will pay the "ultimate price", but accepts this "power"...which we can only assume must be somewhere between "OVER 9000!!!" and "MICHAEL BAY EXPLOSION ECSTASY!!!!!"
So yet again--[i]despite the fact that he's ALREADY vanished[/i]--our hero then vanishes x2, perhaps even managing to go meta and break the fourth wall, we aren't really told for sure as the author tries to make it "so mysterious" that he just..."left...bro" without a trace.
...but NOW...YES, now he's BACK--[i]in black >_<[/i]--and ready to KICK YOUR ASS VREG. YEAAAAHHHH, you KNOW THAT SOME MAJA SHIT'S GOIN' DOWN TONIGHT HOME BOY, GET YO ASS READY, IT'S GOD-MODE TIME! *^*)
And here-in lies the last part of my critique, the fact that yet ANOTHER player has given us this whole character past and power level without the slightest CLUE as to how well they'll ACTUALLY DO IN THE GAME.
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