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Messages - America

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16
Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Re: Village or Jutsu
« on: March 19, 2017, 19:38:09 »
Variety in jutsu doesn't really matter right now. What we need is a locked camera to be able to aim jutsu up and down, along with the ability to hit (taijutsu) and block. Once that is in the game, jutsu variety will play more of a factor, but for now, the Hidden Hill is more important I'd say. 

More jutsu won't create a different playstyle, it will just add more to this jousting style of play.

I disagree on that last bit, if a player finds out a quicker way of defeating your opponent instead of "jousting" with more jutsus or taijutsu they will use that and not "jousting".

If the choice was between a more complete combat and the Hidden Hill, I think I'd choose the more complete combat.  If we got a complete Taijutsu package, then yeah, but just the promise of "more jutsu" isn't enough. Besides, exploring the Hidden Hill would be badass, and like @noffke said, it would make a good impression on new players.

17
Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Re: Village or Jutsu
« on: March 19, 2017, 19:11:40 »
Variety in jutsu doesn't really matter right now. What we need is a locked camera to be able to aim jutsu up and down, along with the ability to hit (taijutsu) and block. Once that is in the game, jutsu variety will play more of a factor, but for now, the Hidden Hill is more important I'd say. 

More jutsu won't create a different playstyle, it will just add more to this jousting style of play.

18
Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Re: SLO Comics
« on: March 18, 2017, 04:36:53 »

19
Thanks for the feedback everyone, the SLO fillers will be back once I've finalized some ideas I've got floating around in my head.

20
Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Re: Hidden Metal Discord
« on: March 16, 2017, 12:30:02 »
hello comrade

Active for a second @ParadoxRonin -_-

Yeah, and he didn't even join the discord

21
Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Hidden Metal Discord
« on: March 16, 2017, 04:10:30 »

Kinzokugakure 金属隠れの里 Discord

I invite you all to join the Hidden Metal's Discord server; especially the Kage and Elders of each village.
All are welcome as visitors to our humble village. Please check the rules before you post anything.

22
1. DarthTyrael
2. America
3. Hooke
4. Korseus
5. Ohm
6. Lumen
7. SasukeClan
8. Hazard
9. Ratiustar
10. Fable

23
Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Re: Village Hidden by Shock Waves
« on: March 15, 2017, 03:59:55 »
No, not yet. They don't even have an Elder yet, however, the likely candidate is @Yamasukage. (If he shows up.)

You won't have much opposition if you run for Kage, but on the down side, you'll have like three villagers.

https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=3159

24
EP 9: Midnight Kage





“My Fuhrer, you did a fantabulous job!” Chikai started to rip Kuro’s drenched clothes from him.
“My apologies, Fuhrikage, I should’ve been waiting with warm clothes.” 
The four Kage were welcomed by thunderous applause as they stumbled into the village. Exhaustion had taken hold from the battle, especially from all of that running.

“We’re still in fuckin’ public! You can do my laundry later.” The Yukikage fought his elder, trying to keep his clothes on.
“My apologies, Lord Yukikage. I have failed you. This cannot be forgiven. I will sacrifice ten mud-bloods in your name tonight.” Kuro wasn’t his usual self -- he didn’t play along, instead motioning for Chikai to leave him alone. Hayame shot her a wink; but he was promptly ignored.



Fulvius looked for his brother amongst the crowd; however, he was nowhere to be found. Several minutes of exploration found him standing amongst the trees on the uninhabited island.
“This is a tree.” Hooke had been staring at a tree for the last fifteen minutes.
“Yeah, that’s a tree.” The obvious answer, of course.
“Fuck yes! I told you!” Hooke turned to the left. His triumphant expression of glee changed to dejection when he realized that the person he thought he was betting with was just another tree.
“Told who?” Fulvius wondered who was stupid enough to say it wasn’t a tree.
“When’d you get here?” Hooke had a puzzled look on his face. Fulvius just gave up and left. There was better conversation to be had elsewhere.



“You gotta admit, that was pretty cool, right?” Kuro asked the Kaminarikage. “I mean, I sliced the guy in half. You should've seen the look on his face.”
“I did see the look on his face.” Reminance was tired. They all were; Kuro the least, due to the food pills he had taken, but he was still exhausted.

Kuria hadn't said much yet. The Okakage was disappointed in himself; he had been defeated so early on that he wasn't able to demonstrate his ability to the other Kage. Also, taking a twelve foot metal rod through the thigh wasn’t the most joyous thing.

“You four will be bedridden for at least two days, I'd expect probably more than that.” A nurse delivered the bad news. Everyone groaned except for Chikai, who was laying on the floor next to her Kage’s bed. As long as he didn't move, she could stay with him all day.
“Don't worry mein fuhrer, we will persevere. I will stay loyal by your side until my last breath!” She exclaimed.
“When the fuck did you get there?” Kuro rolled and looked over the side of the bed. Sure enough, his verifiably insane elder was laying on a sleeping bag next to his hospital bed.
“I’ve been here since I heard you were going to the hospital.”



“I HOPE THE FUCK YOU DO!” Nibui drew another bottle of unidentified liquid from his backpack. He was completely wasted, facing off against Hiruko in a drinking game. Hiruko quickly gulped down a seventh cup of beer; Nibui grunted in response and started chugging his liquor.
“Hit me, Izumi.” The medical ninja was testing a new jutsu of his; one that could help cope with the effects of alcohol. Hiruko felt a weird tingle on his back as Izumi began the jutsu, but his buzz soon began to subside.
“EIGHT, BOY. LET’S GO.” Hiruko yelled as Snoopy finished his drink. The Hidden Dust ninja bet he could beat Hiruko without Izumi’s jutsu; it wasn’t faring so well.



Kris Tsunagami followed his ANBU buddy around town; they stopped in several shops looking for a souvenir. No progress had been made, until they stepped into a shop with Takumi. The two shinobi nudged each other and muttered for a bit; finally, Kris stepped up and tapped Takumi on the shoulder.
“Hey man, my buddy and I just wanted to apologize for the other day. I might’ve gone a little hard on you during that fight, hahaha……” Kris scratched his head sheepishly. The red-haired Okagakure ninja grinned a bit and shook his head.
“Naw, that’s alright. You were just doing your job, which was to help the Hidden Hill.”
“Well, if you need anything, we’re in your debt.”
“Oh. Well, thanks. Kris and....” Takumi realized he never found out the other guy’s name. “And uh… ANBU guy.”
The two ANBU nodded and strolled out of the shop.
“Well. The Kage Ceremony is tomorrow. Do you think Lord Raimei will let us stay for it?” Kris asked his friend.
“Doubt it. We’re just the grunts.”




It was just past midnight, the usually dark room illuminated by the moon through an open window. Chikai could hear the snoring of three and a half men. It was obnoxious and undignified -- the prestigious Kage, blowing snot bubbles and snoring like elephants. However, Kuro looked like a baby in his sleep. She ruffled his hair, messing it up further than it already was.

There was no way she would be able to sleep in the room with the cold night air seeping in through the window. And the Kage. Mostly the Kage. Out of curiosity, she approached Reminance as he slept. Chikai had never actually seen his face -- just the mask.

Chikai gasped as she lifted the blanket that covered his face. He looked like… a normal person. She had expected him to be deformed, why wear the mask otherwise? Yet he was… kind of cute. Chikai could feel herself start to blush.

“Enjoying the view?” The Kaminarikage asked. Chikai froze. Maybe if I don’t move, he won’t see me. His eye shot open, revealing a glowing red color. It was completely mesmerizing. She didn’t even want to move anymore. Slowly, Reminance sat up in bed. He wore a simple t-shirt and boxers, completely contrary to the image of an untouchable shinobi that Chikai had built in her mind. The Kaminarikage seemed so vulnerable to her, yet she was the one who couldn’t move a muscle.

Chikai could hear his feet slapping against the floor as he left his bed. Reminance strolled over to the window and leaned on the windowsill. She still stood in the same position, right hand extended towards the bed, right foot forward and mouth agape.

Nobody moved for at least fifteen minutes. Reminance enjoyed the gentle breeze while looking at the starry night. Chikai still couldn’t find it in her to move. Is this genjutsu? It didn’t feel like it. Another five minutes passed, and the Kaminarikage finally left his post at the window. He settled back down into bed, holding one hand out towards Chikai’s forward. Suddenly, he tapped it and her vision went black for a few seconds.

Reminance was already fast asleep when it returned. That wasn’t the oddest part, though. She couldn’t remember what he looked like -- his face had been completely forgotten. All Chikai could think of for a face was the mask.

“Chikai? What the hell are you doing?” Kuro had woken. Suddenly, her body came to. She inhaled sharply and turned away from Reminance’s bed -- still no memory of his face, though.
“His eyes. They were so…” She couldn’t quite remember what about them made her pause.
“What color were they?” Kuro asked.
“I-I don’t remember.” Chikai grabbed her sleeping bag off the floor and headed towards the door. She probably didn’t want to see what was under his mask anyway -- the poor guy was probably fairly deformed.

“Good night, Lord Yukikage.” She pushed out of the door and started down the hallway. Kuro only offered a groan in response.






Thank you all for staying with me through this adventure. I had a shit ton of fun writing it. I don't know what the general consensus among you forum-goers is, but please do let me know. Thank you for letting me use your characters, and for those who weren't used, (I think I only missed 1 or 2 of you) you'll be in the next arc.

That brings me to the question; do you guys want more fillers? If yes, I'm very (very) open to suggestions about general plot points and/or smaller details. If I got your characters personality (or any trait about your character) wrong, hit me up and I'll change it for next time.

This story started as a purely comical adventure, but it turned serious pretty quickly. Was it a good balance? Do you want more random 'fluff' like the hospital scene at the end of this chapter, more comical moments or did you like having a serious plotline?

25
General Discussion / Re: Gameboy Colour in 4K
« on: March 15, 2017, 01:49:46 »
Greatest minds in the hidden metal


the only minds in the hidden metal  :'(

26
Shinobi Life Online Suggestions / Re: Indoors Running Speed
« on: March 14, 2017, 13:05:45 »
I'd say if you get tagged in combat then your max speed could increase while indoors, however, I just don't see many opportunities to have battles inside. And I don't want people running around a ramen shop at 60 km/h

27
Shinobi Life Online Suggestions / Indoors Running Speed
« on: March 14, 2017, 04:15:06 »
I don't think you should be able to run at full speed while inside a building; it could get incredibly hectic and just flat out annoying. I'd say put a cap on indoors speed at 20 or 30 km/h. I don't really see a need for you to run 60 km/h inside, however, feel free to tell me otherwise.

28
Shinobi Life Online Organizations / Re: Sentience
« on: March 13, 2017, 04:50:27 »
Holy shit is it just me or is that History actually well written?

It has several mistakes -- such as but not limited to: not putting a space after periods and commas, capitalizing letters after dashes, and a general misunderstanding of "it's" versus "its." But yeah, it's alright.

To the creator of Sentience, "it's" is a contraction of "it is," "its" shows possession.
- "It's a fine day outside." Contraction of it is.
- "The wolf bared its fangs." Shows possession.

I'd say I'm interested, but there is too little information for me to care. A "brighter future for the shinobi world" is too vague.

29
General Discussion / America's Official Review™
« on: March 13, 2017, 01:51:34 »
“’Sup?” tension was quickly released as he yawned once more. His left hand swept his drunken face in an attempt to wake up as much as possible.
I'd replace the "His" with his actual name, just to establish early on who it is.

“Jesus Christ! What is that smell?!” she cried out, right hand grasping his shirt as her left held a knee.
I'm not quite sure about religion in SLO so Jesus Christ might be out of the scene.

“This is one of the finest strains of weed you can find in the Hidden Dust. You’d be lucky to get a few grams – dozens fight for it” he announced proudly with a smirk.

Remember to put a period at the end of the sentence inside the quotation. Also, announced seems out of place. I would have simply written that "a smirk fell over his face", as we can infer who it is by what he said.

however both of their attention was drawn to the sound of creaking wood in the distance.
"both of their attention" sounds odd to me. I would've put something along the lines of "however, their attention was soon drawn to the sound of creaking wood in the distance."

“There, the smoke should leave the room now” he claimed as smoke began pouring out of the room into the open streets of Hokorigakure where it became an unexpected visitor to a civilian.
Exclaimed fits better than claimed. Use some punctuation in the sentence, maybe a semi-colon after Hokorigakure.

“I don’t know how informed you are but the Hidden Dust has several organisations and groupings that are in constant warfare with each other. We tend to stick under low suspicion but it’s not uncommon for battles to occur on the main roads where civilians walk”
This needs some punctuation other than periods. Commas after but, at least.

“So… you are unable to help us?” Aijo grew nervous. Her stomach turning.
"Her stomach turning." shouldn't be its own sentence.

“…Tatsujiin” Nibui muttered as he squinted in disgust
This is just a personal style of mine, but I would've just put "Nibui squinted in disgust." Also, period at the end of the sentence.

Kimoto lost balance and tripped up as the rivals gained ground behind him - that was the cue for Blackbox to engage.
Some work on diction -- adversaries instead of rivals. Rivals may make sense if there is an actual rivalry between the organizations, but the reader may not know.

Every member disappeared from the hideout and onto the streets,
Either the "and" needs to go or another verb needs to be used. "Every member disappeared from the hideout onto the streets," or "Every member disappeared from the hideout and ran onto the streets,"

Nibui withdrew a kunai during his transition and lunged forward into the first enemy after Kimoto.
"withdrew" sounds odd, I'd simply say "drew." I'd also write the latter half like so: "lunged forward into the enemy closest to Kimoto." (You could even drop the "forward.")

The Tatsujin shinobi was not prepared for this encounter as Nibui’s thrust forward with the knife was powerful; ripping through the cotton of the opposition’s shirt and directly into his chest. Blade in contact with bone.
I'm just gonna rewrite this whole sentence.

"The Tatsujin shinobi was not prepared for this sudden attack. Nibui's thrust with the knife was powerful enough to rip through the cotton of his opponent's shirt and sink deep into his chest."

I don't believe the part about the blade reaching bone is really necessary, as you typically don't have much in between skin and bone on your chest.

Several more stabs followed in a rapid motion as his life came to a halt.

"Several more stabs followed in rapid succession as the Tatsujin shinobi's vitality faded."

Tatsujin were fazed at the scenery – jaw-dropped with fear.
It should be "The Tatsujin were." You wouldn't say "Akatsuki were bad guys," You'd say "The Akatsuki were bad guys." Also, it should be "jaws dropping with fear."

The street was empty, the only present beings were two teams with Nibui in the center and a corpse in his arms.
Awkward diction; the word "beings" isn't used all that often. "The street was empty except for Blackbox and Tatsujin with Nibui in between the two, holding a corpse in his arms."



There are some errors here and there, but the story is good. I enjoy the plot as a break from the usual stories that are told on here; nobody has really touched on the criminal side quite like this. There are some parts that are semi-confusing grammatically, however, it may be due to the different versions of English that we practice. Good job Snoop, I'll probably read Chapter 3 when it comes out.


30

Episode 8: The Ocean Isn't That Wide





Reminance landed the first hit on Vreg since the battle had begun. A swift punch to the cheek shot him through the surface of the water. Vreg hadn’t expected such a shift in power; Reminance moved faster than any normal eyes could register. Luckily for him, Vreg’s eyes weren’t normal.

As he broke the surface, Vreg cleared the water from his eyes, only to get a taste of the Kaminarikage’s foot. Yet again he went flying.

Vreg stopped in mid-flight, straightening himself out.
“I see that you are finally ready to dance.” He gently floated down to the surface, barely causing a ripple as he landed. Reminance wasted no time on the attack, his fist was mere millimeters away from Vreg’s face before he disappeared. The Kaminarikage immediately jumped into the air; the right decision to make. The water where he stood exploded into the air after being hit by a smaller version of Vreg’s lightning eagle jutsu from earlier.

Reminance had narrowly dodged it, however, he was now immobile in the air. He turned to face where the jutsu had come from, only to receive a kick to the back. He flew forward several meters, only to be drawn back to Vreg -- most likely the counterpart to his Expulsion From Heaven. The Kaminarikage took an extra blow to the face with enough force to knock him out of the attracting jutsu.

Reminance hit the water with a splash that put all others to shame. He opened his eyes under the water, and looked around instead of swimming up to the surface. Why am I even fighting this? He asked himself. Out of necessity, I suppose.

Reminance broke the surface of the water just in front of Vreg, fist raised. Vreg caught his hand, spun and tossed him away. He sighed angrily as he flew head first through the air at top speeds. He’s starting to get on my damn nerves. The Kaminarikage’s jaw clenched. Suddenly, Vreg appeared above him, preparing a punch. Reminance’s anger flared. His arm shot up, grabbing Vreg by the neck and throwing him down to the water below.

“Raiton: Inabikari!” (Lightning Style: Lightning Beasts.)
“Raiton: Sakan'na ya!” (Lightning Style: Booming Arrows.)
“Raiton: Hontō Kaminari!” (Lightning Style: True Lightning.) Reminance had lost his temper, unleashing several jutsu in rapid succession. He landed shortly after, coming to a sliding halt. It was obvious that none of his attacks had connected when Vreg launched out of the water towards the Kaminarikage. He hit with such force, despite being blocked by Reminance, that it whipped the water behind him into a wave.

A bout of Taijutsu ensued, both sides hitting with such pressure as to disrupt the water around them. Waves crashed around and storm clouds began forming over head. As he blocked blows and threw punches, Reminance looked around for the Yukikage: he was nowhere to be found. Perhaps he is lying in wait in the direction I’m supposed to take Vreg. He ducked a roundhouse kick and returned a punch.
Reminance began the game they had played earlier; he ran straight past Vreg as fast as he could in the direction Kuro had pointed earlier. The Kaminarikage sped across the ocean. Vreg followed closely, threatening to catch up. Without having to worry about running into anything, Reminance was able to focus solely on the guy behind him. They ran for almost a minute without any interaction, Vreg just following patiently behind the Kaminarikage.



Kuro reached Yukigakure in thirteen and a half minutes; he had broke speeds he never knew possible. It depleted plenty of his chakra, but hopefully it would pay off.
“Lord Yukikage?” One shinobi reached out to him as he panted.
“Prepare…” Kuro drew in a big breath. “Sound the alarm. Prepare all divisions.” He stopped to breath again. “We’ve got an unfriendly visitor on the way.” The crowd gathered around him looked confused, but nevertheless scrambled away to prepare for battle.

The medical ninja brought him several food pills to speed up the restoration of his chakra. Within a few minutes, shouting was heard outside of the village walls. One shinobi approached Kuro.
“Lord Yukikage, two figures are out on the horizon.” Kuro nodded and got off the ground. So he did it. He wasn’t certain that the Kaminarikage would be able to bring Vreg here, but alas, the battle was in his hands now.



“Suiton: Usui Tatsumaki!” (Water Style: Rainwater Tornado.) Kuro slammed his palm on the surface of the water. He was mirrored by hundreds of Yukigakure shinobi, adding water or wind into the mix. The Kaminarikage will have to find his own way out of this. Collateral damage wasn’t his problem. The twister grew to be almost a hundred meters wide. Kuro signalled his troops to fall back -- the wind threatened to suck in anyone standing close enough. With a final clap of his hands, the Yukikage sent the tornado forward as it stirred up the ocean. If I can play it right, this jutsu won’t even be needed.



Reminance dodged a sweeping right hook from Vreg. He came to a halt as quickly as he could; there was no more time to run. The water around him was already affected by Kuro’s jutsu, which was several kilometers away still. Waves ten meters tall were breaking his line of sight on the enemy. Reminance ran away from where Vreg was last seen. Suddenly, he appeared. Vreg shot out from the nearest wave, sword drawn. Reminance didn’t have time to act; but that wouldn’t matter.

Kuro collided with Vreg, exploding into water on contact. Water clones. A rain of Yukikage clones slammed into Vreg, swords drawn. He suffered several shallow cuts. The ones he didn’t slice in flight got back up and continued their assault. Soon enough it became unmanageable. Dozens of Kuros pursued him as he jogged about, slicing and dodging.
“Tsuihō Ten Kara!” (Expulsion From Heaven.) The clones nearby dissipated as the sphere of force expanded.
The real Yukikage bided his time, waiting for the jutsu to end. Once it did, he propelled himself from the depths below, catching Vreg with a powerful slice upward as he broke the surface.

For a second, it seemed to work. His body completely split into two, his halved face held a look of disbelief that brought Kuro great pleasure to see.

With a poof of smoke, Vreg disappeared. Kuro stayed on guard, preparing for the real Vreg to attack from wherever he hid. It never came.

They were fighting a shadow clone the whole time.





There will probably be a follow up episode of the actual ceremony, which will be entirely comedic and lighthearted.



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