Shinobi Life Online
Naruto Category => Naruto Fanworks => Topic started by: CaptainSpoon on December 16, 2014, 20:00:17
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Hey guys, America 'n Kai have actually inspired me to write a story 2. And I've literally got nothing to do all day but making sigs and throwing away my time in the chatbox. So here you go guys, hope you have fun reading it :D
The prequel
A mother and her child are walking in the snowy hills of the Hidden Snow
"Mom?" The little girl asked "Yes dear?" Her mother replied. "Why is it always snowing here? I want to see the sunshine dad always talks about." "Well, the snow is rumored to be a miracle through which the yukikage can watch over us at all times." -"I've heard enough, kill them at once"-
A few seconds later, the snow was stained blood red.
"Yukikage, a woman and here child were found dead at the eternal hills." An ANBU member reported to the yukikage. "Have they finally come for me?" The yukikage thought. "Is something troubling your mind, Lord? "Send a report to the Hidden Thunder, to young boy Nagare." "Yes, Lord Yukikage!" and the ANBU member disappeared in an instant. "It seems we will meet at last, Yokubo!" The Yukikage thought to himself again.
So what do you think, any tips and/or grammar/spelling corrections? Or is it too fast-paced?
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In my opinion it looks good but short yes :D
Write further i say xD
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yeah make it longer but otherwise good job! XD
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Thanks bois
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It's good, but you should start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.
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A mother and her child are walking in the snowy hills of the Hidden Snow
"Mom?" The little girl asked
"Yes dear?" Her mother replied.
"Why is it always snowing here? I want to see the sunshine dad always talks about."
"Well, the snow is rumored to be a miracle through which the yukikage can watch over us at all times."
-"I've heard enough, kill them at once"-
A few seconds later, the snow was stained blood red.
"Yukikage, a woman and her child were found dead at the eternal hills." An ANBU member reported to the yukikage.
"Have they finally come for me?" The yukikage thought.
"Is something troubling your mind, Lord?
"Send a report to the Hidden Thunder, to young boy Nagare."
"Yes, Lord Yukikage!" and the ANBU member disappeared in an instant.
"It seems we will meet at last, Yokubo!" The Yukikage thought to himself again.
Basically what Mandalore said, great story spoon! :), and yeah all it needs to be is longer.
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It´s just a prequel, wanted to get some opinions first before deciding if I´m going to continue or not. And all opinions I got were that it´s good, so I´ll be starting a chapter now. I´ll upload one chapter every Tuesday. Hope you guys are looking forward to the next chapter, there´s gonna be action involved. :P
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is it going to be about nami?
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You should put Nami in there for our legacy unless its a completely different story
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It's good, but you should start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.
What Mandalwhore said but otherwise, nice style of writing :)
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Thanks, and I'm sorry for not posting a 1st chapter just got my internet back :P To make up for it, I'll make the chapter as long as possible.
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Thanks, and I'm sorry for not posting a 1st chapter just got my internet back :P To make up for it, I'll make the chapter as long as possible.
You better make it long or else... Nothing
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You gonna make a chapter Cap? XD
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He to lazy
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Chapter 1
It's a rainy morning in the Hidden Storm. Nagare yawns.
Why'd Lady Raikage call me so early? She knows better then to disturb my sleep. Nagere thought. Since it's so early, it might be quite important I think I'll have to stop walking and make haste right now. "I'm finally here" Nagare said out loud. Nagare knocks on lady Raikage's door.
"Come in!" The voice belonged to the Raikage.
"So, what's the problem?" Nagare asked sleepy.
"It's yokubo, they have started to make their move on the Yukikage."
"I'll be there at once, my lady" And so Nagare disappeared.
"That boy is always so impatient, I still had to tell him the were all Jonin so he wouldn't take any Chunin with him."
- In Nami no Kishi's Hideout-
"YOOOOO HACHEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON" Takashi yelled.
"What exactly do you want?"
"I want you to stop using my teeth brush!"
"Okay!"
The giant boulder that seals off the entrance to the cave slammed aside.
"You two, come with me" Nagare said while pointing at Takashi and Hachemon.
"What's the problem?" Hachemon asked.
"Yokubo" Nagare said, that one word seemed to describe everything.
"We have to hurry then" Takashi said.
"You know, Takashi, this is the one time I actually agree with you." Hachemon said with a smile on his face.
"Well then, off we go. To the Hidden Snow!" Nagare said while packing some kunai and food.
Nagare sealed the entrance off.
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Yay you finally posted a chapter XD I liked it. If you keep going Ill keep reading it
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Yay you finally posted a chapter XD I liked it. If you keep going Ill keep reading it
I feel bad for not posting for so long, I'm thinking of posting one or two more chapters today.
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Its really good maybe you could put more descriptoin in it but thats just me. Keep writing! :)
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Chapter 2
"Are we there yet, I wanna fiiiiight?" Hachemon yelled.
"No you knucklehead, this is the tenth time you've asked it!" Takashi replied frustrated.
"Keep it down you two the enemy might hear us" Nagare said.
"I guess you're right Nagare." Hachemon and Takashi said in sync.
"wow" The two said in sync again.
"It's getting freaky, keep your mouths shut" Nagare said.
"Yeah, keep your mouth shut Hachemon" Takashi said the same time as Hachemon
"Yeah, keep your mouth shut Takashi"
"Stop it..." A kunai flew threw the air and Nagare deflected it.
"I told you to shut up, didn't I? Well this is better then running, a good fight once in a while can be appreciated." Nagare said with a grin.
"What formation?" Hachemon asked.
"Formation B, right flank." Nagare replied.
"Wind release: Rasenshuriken" Takashi yelled as he stormed towards on of their enemies. Hachemon backed him up with a water shark bullet jutsu.
"Keep it up you two" Nagare said as he sprinted towards 2 of the weaker looking rogues. The two of them cam at him with their Katana's and made a small cut in Nagare's cheek. Nagare quickly recovered and made some shadow clones.
"Chidori!" Nagare said in sync with all his clones, and they charged the 2 opponents. The 2 rogue ninja were pierced by multiple chidori's.
-Meanwhile at Takashi and Hachemon-
"This guy is insane strong!" Takashi said.
"I couldn't agree more" Hachemon said while delfecting kunai.
Takashi's chest was cut very deep by the enemy's katana.
"He.. got me..." Takashi said his last words before blacking out.
"Nagare where are you?" Hachemon said desperately.
"Don't lose your focus in a battle" The enemy shinobi said while forming seals for a great fireball jutsu.
"Oh no you don't" Nagare said while replying with Water dragon jutsu to protect Hachemon.
"Thanks man" Hachemon said with a sign of relief on his face.
"Is he okay?" Nagare said pointing at Takashi.
"I can still sense his presence, he seems to be in a bad shape though."
"At least he's not dead" Nagare said while deflecting the enemy's shuriken.
"Formation E, NOW" Nagare yelled.
Hachemon made the handsigns for a Severing wave jutsu while Nagare charged at the enemy with lightning speed and a chidori.
The enemy jumps
"Miss" The enemy said.
"Water release: Severing wave jutsu!" Hachemon said and cut the enemy clean in half.
"I found something on his body Nagare" Hachemon says.
"Read it"
"We have intercepted the post bird and we want you to kill the enemy forces that will be headed this way" Hachemon read.
"It seems we could've gotten information out of them." Nagare said with a pain in his voice.
"I think our priority is getting Takashi to safety now."
"Yeah, I guess so" Nagare agreed.
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Good chapter bud! Sounds like I'm pretty talkative though XD
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Be glad you got to finish off the bad guy, geez.
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Be glad you got to finish off the bad guy, geez.
True i did kick his arse outta here
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Chapter 3 - Note:
Nagare, Hachemon and Takashi were back in the Hidden Storm, at a hospital so Takashi could rest. Three days have passed since Takashi blacked out and he still didn't wake up. Nagare and Hachemon have been searching for another member for Nami no Kishi so they could finish the case surrounding Yokubo quickly.
Hachemon brushed his teeth while Nagare made breakfast.
"Are you using Takashi's toothbrush again?" Nagare asked Hachemon.
"Maybe..."
"Ugh, you never learn do you?"
"Well what have you made this time?"
"My favorite, Ramen with extra menma."
"Sounds good"
After breakfast the two split up in order to find a new member for the organization. By noon they hadn't found a single shinobi worthy to be invited.
~Hachemon~
Still no one, Hachemon thought while scanning the area for strong shinobi.
But then all of a sudden, the ground split in two and from it 5 shinobi came out of it. Hachemon looked at their headbands and they all head a line carved through the village's symbol.
Rogue's Hachemon thought as he stood still to see if this would attract any strong shinobi.
The group of rogue shinobi started going north, to Nagare.
Maybe they're after Nagare, I've got to hurry! Hachemon got a bad feeling and rushed towards Nagare.
~Nagare~
Nagare was in front of the academy, it was a white building with the Village's symbol on its walls and was scanning the insides and surroundings of the academy. There were shinobi at the training grounds and in the park at the edge of the academy. But none of those seemed to be good enough to qualify for a Nami no Kishi member.
Hmmm, he doesn't seem to be strong enough or does he?
The group of rogue shinobi attacked the boy he was looking at.
I think I'll wait and see what happens.
The boy immediately saw the group of shinobi and used 7 shadow clones. His clones threw an insane barrage of kunai and shuriken, it was enough to keep them occupied long enough for him to make more shadow clones and have those hide in places. He himself hided as well. At the other side of the academy his clones were busy fighting the ninja. His clones took out one of the opposing shinobi by slicing her head off. After a while his clones were destroyed, and they started searching for the real one. As the group of shinobi walked to the south one of the shinobi was struck by a kunai in his head. The remaining 3 turned around and bestowed the bush from where the kunai came with an insane amount of shuriken. They got one of the hiding clones, one of the remaining 3 went to see if it was the real one or not and accidentally set off a paper bomb trap thus killing himself. The other clones came out and used fierce taijutsu to fight the remaining 2 rogue's, the rogue's quickly overpowered the clones and destroyed them. Finally the real one came out and grabbed two katana's and fought the two head-on. He overpowered them quite easily and stabbed both through the heart.
Finally Nagare approached the shinobi and commended him for his strategy.
"What's your name?" Nagare asked.
"I don't really have a name, everyone calls me The Timer."
"Well then timer.." Nagare got interrupted mid-sentence.
"But more importantly, why didn't you help me if you watched me fight all this time." Timer asked a bit angered.
"I will explain it if you accept the following offer: Come and join the Rogue-hunting organization Nami no Kishi."
"Wait what?"
"I know it might be all too sudden, but I'll give you the time to think about it. Meet me at the hospital in 4 hours." And with that Nagare took off.
"But, but wait!"
"It's no use, he's gone." Hachemon said.
"Who are you?"
"I'm that man's friend and a member of Nami no Kishi."
"Another one of you, oh god?!"
"Do you have any clue where he's headed?"
"We were to meet at the hospital in 4 hours, so I guess you'll find him there."
"Thanks" And Hachemon disappeared.
-4 hours later, at the hospital.
"Oh hi Hachemon, I didn't know you where coming." Nagare said after sensing Hachemon's presence in the bushes.
"Haha, you got me"
"Did that guy from earlier show up yet?"
"No, but there he is." Nagare said while pointing at a silhouette in the darkness of the night.
"So you showed up, huh?!" Nagare said.
"What do you want from me?" Timer asked.
"I told you earlier, are you in or not?"
"Yeah, I've thought about it and I'm in. But there's one condition though."
"What condition is that?" Hachemon bumped in.
"My girlfriend, she joins too."
"And who is this girlfriend of yours?" Nagare asked a little bothered.
"She's on top of the building."
"That's impossible, we would've sensed her presence otherwise." But Nagare still looked up, and he saw a girl on top of the hospital.
"Come down, now!" Nagare yelled.
"How are you able to mask your presence so good?" Hachemon asked.
"I'm a special jonin and I specialize in espionage." The girl replied.
"You're both in." Nagare said after thinking a little.
"Now let's go see our fellow member, shall we?" And Nagare went into the hospital and visited Takashi with Hachemon and the two new friends.
"TAKASHI, YOU'RE AWAKE!!" Hachemon yelled with something that looked like tears in his eyes.
"What else does it look like, crybaby." Takashi replied somewhat weak.
"Sorry for being happy and all, you know." Hachemon said.
"Cut it you two. Takashi, meet our two newest members." Nagare said and he pointed at the girl and Timer.
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Good new chapter . Keep it up!
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Thanks m8, I appreciate the compliments <3 :D
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Loved the chapters i had fun while reading :D
I dont use The Timer anymore though derp.
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Then make a fucking character on the character boards XD
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No xD i hate that i dont want a background and all that shit im just a normal guy from blablabla village just call me Reminance in everything :P
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blablabla village
What does that translate to?
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blablabla village
What does that translate to?
I dont know which village i want to be in.
So it translates into undecided
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blablabla village
What does that translate to?
I dont know which village i want to be in.
So it translates into undecided
Oh, you should decide.
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Dude just give me a fucking character name to use for you then, or I'll have you die in my fanfic.
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just call me Reminance in everything :P
@CaptainSpoon Pay more attention.
Edit: Killing him off because he lacks a character name makes no sense.
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REMINANCE IS IT THAT HARD SPOON ? -_-
I am not going to decide my shit village yet NOR will i make a character template on the forums.
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just call me Reminance in everything :P
@CaptainSpoon Pay more attention.
Lol atleast somebody sees TY
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just call me Reminance in everything :P
@CaptainSpoon Pay more attention.
Lol atleast somebody sees TY
I've got you covered Reminance.
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Ok, I'll get you killed then... You only just joined, it's too bad.
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Spoon you really are childish sry but its true
What a stupid reason, Grow the fuck up mate ;)
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Ok, I'll get you killed then... You only just joined, it's too bad.
@CaptainSpoon I have no control over your actions however I would like to point out that you are being extremely rude and unkind. Due to the fact that Reminance would like to be called Reminance in your story you are killing him off. This is pathetic and rude.
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They're just jokes man.
I wanted to make the next chapter as a surprise with instead of timer reminance. But yeah seemingly it got out of hand.
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They're just jokes man.
I wanted to make the next chapter as a surprise with instead of timer reminance. But yeah seemingly it got out of hand.
Whatever you say just goodluck m8 with nami
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They're just jokes man.
I wanted to make the next chapter as a surprise with instead of timer reminance. But yeah seemingly it got out of hand.
You deserve more warning points.