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Author Topic: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma  (Read 584 times)

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Online Snoopy

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Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« on: March 20, 2017, 01:01:05 »
“Reports are coming in from my audio receiver… law enforcement is on its way” Vizier’s mature voice notified Nibui with a concerned look on his face.

He was the eldest member of the organisation – a wise man amongst many Dust shinobi, even Nibui soaked up a few lessons from him. His true age remains a mystery, however it is factual that he has roamed the deserts for more than three decades.

Nibui acknowledged the warning.
“We better get goi—“ He was interrupted by a large wave of fire projected by a member of Tatsujin 8, it was a direct hit that set him on his knees.

“Nibui!” Kimoto cried out from behind

“Blackbox, listen to me!”
“We have no time to waste! We don’t want the whole organisation killed or locked up! I’ll stay behind to aid Nibui… Now go!” Vizier’s orders were clear and fear began to fill his voice as the surrounding members took their departure from the scene.

“I’m staying too!” Kimoto broke out
“No you’re not!” Vizier’s objection struck him

Tatsujin 8 shinobi began closing in with kunai knives and hand seals.
Police can be seen darting across the building tops, they were nearing the crime scene.

“God damn it!” Vizier called out with his hands finally in motion.
The ground beneath them began to shake and a great earth dome took shape. It quickly became a two-versus-three excluding Nibui who was bleeding out from his chest.
The Tatsujin 8 members quickly adapted to this environment as one of them pounced forward with a kunai towards Vizier whilst the other two wove handseals around, ready to execute more flames.

“Shield me!” Vizier called out to Kimoto and was greeted by a nod.

The ground shook once more as an earth wall broke through, acting as a barrier in-front of the two shinobi. Their flames were reflected off the wall.
Vizier stood in-front of Nibui and acted as a physical meat-shield whilst quickly throwing around handseals faster than ever before.

An arm consisting of sand protruded from the top of the dome and grabbed the airborne Tatsujin shinobi, throwing him against his fellow members. The arm continued to grow out and formed a fist which began pounding the three shinobi harshly against the dome, crushing skulls and destroying organs. The victims could no longer be identified – they were disfigured and drowned in their own blood and shattered bones. A truly barbaric scene.

The earth dome crumbled as Vizier dragged Nibui onto his shoulders.
“We must go!” he left his final order and disappeared into the distance

Kimoto was fazed by what just happened and looked around in terror. The streets were closed off and he was now surrounded by law enforcement.

Shinobi from the special Dust services reached out to his radio speaker.
“We’ve got one… there is a lot of blood and the others must have escaped”
“Fuck!” Kimoto burst out after realizing he was cornered and attempted a run.
“You ain’t going nowhere!” the Dust police called out and threw a few knives at Kimoto’s feet, nailing him to the ground; breaking his heel to prevent escape.

They excelled at human anatomy and knew how to deal with situations at an extreme pace – Kimoto on the other hand was young and inexperienced.

The doors of the interrogation room burst open and Kimoto was thrown forth by the special ops. He could not stand and was filled with agony as he dropped to the ground like an animal about to meet its fate.

“Now you’re going to tell us everything about these gangs and criminal activities around the hidden Dust” the door was shut and locked up. The only ones inside were the interrogation officer and Kimoto, and he wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon.



« Last Edit: March 20, 2017, 16:55:18 by Snoopy »



Offline CaioDarT

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Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2017, 01:28:48 »
That was cool! Really good reading, congratz Snoopy :) Loved this chapter and SirTroll is badass

Offline Diamond Lee

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Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2017, 03:01:07 »
Nice! I have been reading these and like the story, which talks about stuff we don't usually see mentioned in stories (dank kush, gangs etc etc) I like the influence of urban/street culture on this particular story.


Obviously I'm not here to judge and your stories are obviously and clearly better than mine, but I noticed some tense mistakes "and he won't be leaving anytime soon" should be "and he wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon. But whatevs, don't listen to the Lee, listen to someone more superior to me like America.

I'm sorry but I just felt like adding this "aide" should be "aid" : As in "to aid" the use of "aide" in English comes from the French word: "une aide" "de l'aide" and is thus used for example to say "The general and his aide walked out of the tent, hastily buttoning up their shirts." Not like "He jumped out of his car to aid the old lady."

Actually, scratch that, maybe it's different in British English.


Anyways great story looking forward to the rest and forgive my trying to act smart and writing a lot on your post in a totally uncalled for a way

Spoiler: show
aaah time to kms now who wants 2 cum over 3 do bleech shots ffs

Let the power of youth wash over you and fill you with strength!


-lethal dankness

Offline HermitTheSage

Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2017, 13:14:23 »
Nice job with the story bruh
I'm happy you're shedding light into the situation of the dust
After all, it's where gangs lurk in the dark and the kush is dank af

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Online Snoopy

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Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2017, 16:28:10 »
That was cool! Really good reading, congratz Snoopy :) Loved this chapter and SirTroll is badass
Thank you! Things in the Dust have started to kick off! And yeah, more character development incoming, plus more to be introduced.

Nice! I have been reading these and like the story, which talks about stuff we don't usually see mentioned in stories (dank kush, gangs etc etc) I like the influence of urban/street culture on this particular story.


Obviously I'm not here to judge and your stories are obviously and clearly better than mine, but I noticed some tense mistakes "and he won't be leaving anytime soon" should be "and he wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon. But whatevs, don't listen to the Lee, listen to someone more superior to me like America.

I'm sorry but I just felt like adding this "aide" should be "aid" : As in "to aid" the use of "aide" in English comes from the French word: "une aide" "de l'aide" and is thus used for example to say "The general and his aide walked out of the tent, hastily buttoning up their shirts." Not like "He jumped out of his car to aid the old lady."

Actually, scratch that, maybe it's different in British English.


Anyways great story looking forward to the rest and forgive my trying to act smart and writing a lot on your post in a totally uncalled for a way

Spoiler: show
aaah time to kms now who wants 2 cum over 3 do bleech shots ffs


You did a good job at pointing those out, thank you!
I've corrected myself.

Nice job with the story bruh
I'm happy you're shedding light into the situation of the dust
After all, it's where gangs lurk in the dark and the kush is dank af


Thank you!
The kush is dank af here.

Offline Manuster

Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2017, 00:19:08 »
Nice! I have been reading these and like the story, which talks about stuff we don't usually see mentioned in stories (dank kush, gangs etc etc) I like the influence of urban/street culture on this particular story.


Obviously I'm not here to judge and your stories are obviously and clearly better than mine, but I noticed some tense mistakes "and he won't be leaving anytime soon" should be "and he wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon. But whatevs, don't listen to the Lee, listen to someone more superior to me like America.

I'm sorry but I just felt like adding this "aide" should be "aid" : As in "to aid" the use of "aide" in English comes from the French word: "une aide" "de l'aide" and is thus used for example to say "The general and his aide walked out of the tent, hastily buttoning up their shirts." Not like "He jumped out of his car to aid the old lady."

Actually, scratch that, maybe it's different in British English.


Anyways great story looking forward to the rest and forgive my trying to act smart and writing a lot on your post in a totally uncalled for a way

Spoiler: show
aaah time to kms now who wants 2 cum over 3 do bleech shots ffs



I like this guy

Retarded in the smartest way

And this wass goood

One question though...

Why isn't it all in the same thread? >.>

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Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2017, 00:21:17 »
One question though...

Why isn't it all in the same thread? >.>
It's a personal preference of mine to separate my works into different threads. I find it neater that way and easier to navigate.

Offline Toratsume Nyshn

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Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2017, 00:36:16 »
Yeah, its refreshing to see some new ideas on the forum. Exploring street culture and gang wars, nice nice.
----- and that newb's dilemma portrayed in the form of kimoto. It always gets me X( .
heading on to chapter 4!


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Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2017, 01:25:38 »
Yeah, its refreshing to see some new ideas on the forum. Exploring street culture and gang wars, nice nice.
----- and that newb's dilemma portrayed in the form of kimoto. It always gets me X( .
heading on to chapter 4!
God damn it, Kimoto!
And yeah, I suppose it is a refreshing perspective of writing and way to see things around SLO.
Hope you enjoy my works :)

Offline StriderOtaku

Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2017, 14:40:35 »
This kept me captivated and wanting more. I loved it (I don't appreciate Vizier turning my men into meat-pie tho, 'tis pure evil.)
Moving on to the next chapter.
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Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2017, 15:20:10 »
This kept me captivated and wanting more. I loved it (I don't appreciate Vizier turning my men into meat-pie tho, 'tis pure evil.)
Moving on to the next chapter.
Glad you liked it

Offline Keyn

Re: Chapter 3 - A Small Dilemma
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2017, 15:39:40 »
Is so good that you can't stop reading <3 :)
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