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Author Topic: Let Me Die  (Read 3099 times)

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Offline SpeakingRain

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Let Me Die
« on: September 07, 2016, 16:52:31 »
Feel free to critique. This is the somewhat unpolished first chapter of my novel, Let Me Die. Just wanted to test certain target audiences. Btw, you get bonus points if you figure out what happens at the end of the chapter. ^^ This chapter is quite short, I know.


 .
« Last Edit: March 22, 2017, 23:10:25 by SpeakingRain »
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Offline taigakun

Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2016, 18:35:46 »
I'll be honest with you

I fucking loved it. I love reading books/stories that no matter how sci-fi or supernatural they are, they don't neglect the psychological aspects/consequences of every single action withheld, and show that it is soooo much deeper than just killing/hurting someone or doing anything at all. And you succeeded in showing that. So nicely done.

(and btw it's dark as hell and i fucking love that : D)

Looking forward to the next chapter :3
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Offline Toratsume Nyshn

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    Glory to the Black Rose
Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2016, 19:00:42 »
Rain g0t them skilzzz!
This was an awesome read! :)

lemme guess
Spoiler: show
Sera becomes a griffin in the end?
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Offline NinjaMirage

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Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2016, 19:23:56 »
It was dark and chilling but entreating!!!
Well done

Spoiler: show

I'm gonna go with dragon or demon!!
If it was a holy knight it could be demon but I'm leaning  toward dragon.

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Offline taigakun

Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2016, 19:54:32 »
I think she transformed into somethig like a demon or a demonic/dark angel
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Offline SpeakingRain

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Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2016, 01:04:00 »
Thank you all <3

And yeah, Taiga, I try to convey what's going on internally rather than just write down an action or a feeling. The mind can be a very interesting place. ^^

Spoiler: show
Cmsmurfer is right. She's a dragon that has been "reborn"  :)
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Offline Nas

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Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2016, 01:38:17 »
This is really cool I got a Heavy Rain type feel from this and who doesn't like abit of the psychological stuff xD

Love reading stories especially of different styles
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Offline Salome

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Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #7 on: September 08, 2016, 07:23:03 »
Ooh, this is exciting. I really like your pacing on this. I've read some stuff that tries to accomplish the psychological complexities you described, but it becomes very unyielding and structurally awkward, or it defaults to redundancy. You've done a nice job in regards to balancing the vivid images, action, and internal struggle of Sera so that it's overall a satisfying work to read and experience. I actually lost my breath at one point because I was so into Sera's psyche lol.
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Offline Manuster

Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #8 on: September 08, 2016, 15:52:55 »
I feel outdone.
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RIP my old sig, got too annoying for even me

Offline psychorx

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Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #9 on: November 05, 2016, 21:01:28 »
I loved it! She's a dragon, right? Can I expect a chapter two? xD
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Offline JT_EPIC

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Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2016, 14:32:21 »
Eh...
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Offline mamoudou52404

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Re: Let Me Die
« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2016, 15:16:59 »
Normally I hate dark and chilling stuff, its just not for me,

BUT THAT WAS AMAZING, shes definetly a dragon right??
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