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Messages - Snoopy

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 76
General Discussion / Re: Chapter 7 - Intruder
« on: April 24, 2017, 22:30:13 »
Nice one once again Snopp. I like where this is going
Thank you!

General Discussion / Re: Chapter 7 - Intruder
« on: April 24, 2017, 22:07:53 »
Very well written chapter!

Feelsvregman for kimoto. Never 4get kimoto.

This was really good I'm saying it again! (dident spot any misstakes)

Waiting for more!

(yours truly)
More to come soon!

noice noice writing

it;s just that u write so little fdkfevjenrvjenverv

youre just like america ffs, 2 scenes a chapter

hurry da dack up
Each chapter tends to represent a select event(s) that occurs, and that's the way I like to write.

General Discussion / Re: Chapter 7 - Intruder
« on: April 23, 2017, 19:26:59 »
Ok, so the first part..I already said this before but the Dara character and Kimoto's torment is so well written it kinda reminds me of the ending episodes of tokyo ghoul's first season with Jason torturing the shit outta Kaneki. It's a bit sad what happened to Kimoto but I'm honestly itching to know more about Dara and I want a confrontation (Nibui and gang vs Dara) even more. Bring the bloodshed, kek.
As for the second part...
"The Kage’s workplace resembled a jungle more than it did an office; fresh weed plants of all shapes and sizes decorated the internal quarters.

Papers were scattered randomly and documents were buried under bongs and lighters."

Nuff said. Impressive work Snoopy (even more impressive how quickly you wrote this),I'll be waiting for more.

Future confrontations will be interesting because I'm trying to branch out from the physics of the Narutoverse; I want to create a different universe that follows different physics which will bring new powers and mediums into my story. I believe this provides a wider range of opportunities when it comes to creativity, whereas if you stay by Narutoverse logic, you really are bound.

And yeah, Dara's backstory should be coming along soon. A lot of plot twists and psychological content should be on its way, needless to say, religion is also stepping up in the storyline.

feelsbadman, I was hoping the blackbox would save kimoto... but then, this end seems more practical. A good read again.
Looking forward for a face off b/w blackboxand this buddha guy.

Wow I genuinely feel bad for kimoto :(
You just pulled off a GRRM.. gj
Yeah, RIP Kimoto, haha.
A confrontation has been planned to occur at some point, probably after we've skinned Dara, his backstory and present intentions.

General Discussion / Chapter 7 - Intruder
« on: April 23, 2017, 16:57:26 »
Blood broke through Kimoto’s mouth once more as he tried rolling to one side.

The presence slowly jaunted towards him, stepping through the countless splints of wood.

“Well, boy, it appears your time has come… it was a pleasure meeting you.”

The half-dead youth clambered slightly before halting, his lifeless arms bent once more bringing his hands into a Tiger seal position.

His body began to glow with a short green aura - a shell of sand slowly emerged from his face, and steadily progressed in a downwards motion.

The suited man hovered above Kimoto and stared down with a blank face, but lacked hesitation and averted his attention in the opposite direction, glaring directly into the eyes of Buddha.

“Lord, please forgive me for my sins.” He requested with the same soft, calm voice he initiated with.

Kimoto’s shell of armour had almost completely covered him, but was interrupted when a cold hand glided through the air and locked onto his head from the scalp.

The ground felt lightweight once more as the young, inert body found itself briskly yanked by the force of a single arm.

Kimoto dangled like a beaten ragdoll with its eyes closed for a few moments before being carelessly launched towards the large, metal structure.

His body brutally whacked the centre of the deity, blemishing it with erratic splatters of blood and slid down to ground level where its deformed and shapeless appearance was evident.

A small amount of transparent liquid formed within the creases of his metal eyes. It built up and slowly slithered down his face.

Once again, God witnessed Darā’s sins.

Vizier and Nibui broke through the sun’s beams and paced up the wooden staircase of the Kage building.

“Wait here” The right hand of the Kage commanded.

The wooden door had a tiny gap between itself and the hinges, anyone could spy on the interior.

Vizier slid his fingers against the wood and quickly shifted inside before sealing the door shut.

The Kage’s workplace resembled a jungle more than it did an office; fresh weed plants of all shapes and sizes decorated the internal quarters.

Papers were scattered randomly and documents were buried under bongs and lighters.

The visitor released a sigh in disappointment and shook his head.

He hasn’t changed at all since the last time I came here.

Vizier straightened his vision towards the open balcony where Hayame was lounged peering the orange country. He was attended by a blunt which rested between his lips at a slight angle as usual.

He was still several meters away before the Kage identified his presence.

“Vizier, what brings you here?” a cloud of smoke drifted from his mouth, accompanied by his deep, elegant voice.

The gentle breeze of Hokorigakure blew the strings on his straw hat, sweeping his long, black hair along with it.

“Impressive, you managed to pinpoint me from that distance blinded” Vizier complimented Hayame in an attempt to get on his good side.

“Do not underestimate your leader, Vizier…”

“Now tell me, why exactly are you and your subordinate here?”

Vizier was shocked by how advanced the mind of his Kage was.

He can sense Nibui too?!

He almost stuttered, but somehow managed to quickly blurt out his issue.

“We’re here to report a missing ninja”

“Kimoto was last seen incarcerated by our special ops squad, Agirama, however I have asked around and every law enforcement in the Hidden Dust claim that he was never imprisoned” Vizier proclaimed in distress.

“So this is about the boy, huh?” Hayame confirmed.

He swung and brought the blunt back between his lips before strolling towards his desk.

Hayame trailed open a drawer and pulled out a fat book which held prison records.

 “Every incarceration within the Hidden Dust is recorded into this book.”

“If he was captured, we will find him here.” Hayame explained without switching his attention from the document.
He flicked through the pages in silence.

“The last imprisonment was a couple months ago, and the prisoner is a twenty-eight year old merchant who goes by the name of Shougo Hajime.”

What the fuck? Vizier’s eyes bulged out in panic.

“Then what about the Hidden Dust squad that captured him?!”

Hayame closed the book and chucked it back into the drawer, then proceeded to lean against his desk with crossed arms.

“Vizier, hate to break it to you, but Kimoto was kidnapped by someone… or something outside of Hokorigakure using the Agirama uniform as disguise.” The Kage announced, darkening Vizier’s mind with grief and confusion.

General Discussion / Re: General discussion
« on: April 23, 2017, 03:31:32 »
lmfao Snoopy

please edit Yurei into this

General Discussion / Re: General discussion
« on: April 23, 2017, 00:46:10 »
"we are full" Lmao. Inb4 yurei pulls an United Airlines.

General Discussion / Re: My_Path_ By Mamita
« on: April 22, 2017, 23:02:52 »
The way I interpreted it is that he wants to make independent choices and take his own path, but he doesn't know where to go and what to start with. He's questioning whether to go there or remain where he is currently situated - where he feels safe.

Mamita, come back. Although we don't have the strongest of bonds, I'll miss you ;-(.

Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Re: Execution
« on: April 22, 2017, 01:16:47 »

While I do love the idea, I'm not sure how workable it is considering the fact that perma-deaths won't be a thing within the villages and if these executions were to be moved to actual death zones, it would be open season between rogues of all sorts and the law enforcers attempting to carry out the execution. Not exactly a smooth process any Kage would want to follow.
I can see the conflict between villages being safe zones and the location of execution.
My suggestion for that would be:
A criminal who has committed a crime worth execution would be held captive until the Kage gives an order of execution. The process of execution can only be done by an authoritative figure (Adviser - Kage or even officially assigned executioners). Once an order of execution has been placed upon a user, they will be immune to any damage from anyone other than executioner and Kage, and they will be dragged out to the location of execution within the village where the killing will take place.

Shinobi Life Online Discussion / Re: Execution
« on: April 21, 2017, 21:00:15 »
So you're suggesting the idea of execution, huh?
I like the idea, but everything is up to the Kage and his advisers when it comes to legislation within the place of residence.

The Kage may or may not choose to enable execution within prison, and what would be even more impressive is if we had public execution like we did a few years back in standard human history.

But before those are toggled, the Kage must come to a decision as to which crimes are serious enough to be punished by death. What I strongly believe is that if a shinobi commits treason, they are automatically labelled 'Rogue', and if they have been caught by authorities, the Kage can then choose whether or not to put them on public or private execution.

One pro of public execution is that it acts as a deterrent to the civilians, warding them away from committing crimes in the future.

Introduction / Re: Hello!!
« on: April 21, 2017, 17:15:38 »
Welcome to SLO, enjoy your stay here
Refer to the links in my signature, they should help you get started

General Discussion / Re: Chapter 6 - Subject 0035
« on: April 20, 2017, 17:07:35 »
o shit (waddup)

Skenglord is evolving

cOngratewlashions, your Skenglord has evolved into SnoopSpeare

SnoopSpeare - The SnoopSpeare draws its roots from both Shakespeare and Spears, larger, shankier versions of skengs

rip idk where im gonig with this lmaao i like it, it's different, not what I'd do but it's good, an improvement too
SnoopSpeare lmfao, and thanks!

Kimoto man :( feelsbadman :(
Pain is real
good job
Thank you!

Wow this was lit. Liked it a lot
Good job Snoop
I'm glad you liked it :)

Manuster, please, this is better than you can do.
@Snoopy I felt like I was watching a live-action series episode, it was quite immersive. I'd like to know more about this '0035' and that rarely happens.Thank you.
You will find out more about him soon :p

General Discussion / Re: Chapter 6 - Subject 0035
« on: April 20, 2017, 00:34:21 »

vregy good chapter

Writing was very good

Gib more gore
Thanks, and yeah, I kinda took a new approach towards different style of writing. It really stands out in this chapter if you compare it to my previous ones. I guess I'll continue like this and make future chapters more "realistic" and sinister?

General Discussion / Chapter 6 - Subject 0035
« on: April 19, 2017, 22:53:51 »
Caged in by steel walls that appeared to lack sunlight, Kimoto rested like a ragdoll, nailed to a wooden pole by his hands in the center of the room.

Five hundred… and twelve

His torso had pieces of flesh torn out and blood was strewn beneath him in aimless splatters.

A shockwave thrust his body backwards as a mace-like weapon drew contact once more.

Blood poured out from his mouth and drooled down his chest as he grunted.

Five hundred… and thirteen

His head was covered by a straw sack, and the only clothing he wore was the underwear beneath his blood stained trousers.

A bucket of cold water sat next to the pole, waiting to be used.

 “Hold it” a flat, soft voice commanded from the distance.

The crackling of wood and scraping of metal filled the empty room as the mace was dropped without a second thought.

Footsteps crept towards Kimoto in an unsettling motion as blood continued to drip. They were not ordinary footsteps – they were the footsteps of an intruder on broad heels.

The cover was swiftly plucked off, unveiling Kimoto’s lifeless, slouched head.

His energy had depleted to the point where keeping himself steady and upright was a major struggle – he was drained.
“Your endurance is impressive.” the soothing voice glided through Kimoto’s mind as a cold, smooth hand gripped onto his jaw, slowly lifting his face in vision of his own.

The figure that stood before Kimoto manifested the appearance of a tall and elegant man in his mid-twenties, dressed in a red velvet suit and a black shirt with a black tie wrapped around the collar.

He bent down, almost crouching, his hand still firm on Kimoto’s face.

A few rapid chuckles escaped through his nose as he cocked his head to the right, bringing himself a few inches closer to the pinned target.

His sharp cheekbones emphasized the long, pasty face that was home to a sinister and amused smirk that had developed over time.

“I have an offer for you.”

Kimoto ignored him as his weary eyes slowly shifted around in order to examine the environment he was trapped in.

A statue of Buddha…

The large, golden figure of the religious deity ranked high above everything else a few meters away, accompanied by countless broken skulls and bones, on and around it.

“What the fuck…?” Kimoto muttered under his breath in confusion and disgust.

“Aah! I see you’ve noticed my statue!” he lit up with excitement.

Kimoto continued his visual patrol for a few more seconds.

The only source of light were the large, half melted candles that had been strategically set out around the dome.

In the far end where the room was darkest, a box with a wooden stand rested and was surrounded by more candles, this time they were red and untouched. The whole structure had a grey cloak covering it.

A memorial, huh? Kimoto questioned himself.

 “What do you think of my aesthetics?” He brought Kimoto back into focus, finally releasing his grip.

Kimoto’s head slumped down once again, the last few drops of blood on his chest forcedly hitting the ground.
“The pain…” he whispered with closed eyes.

He was becoming numb to the torture due to the physical and mental repetition, his mind growing more and more blank.

The suited man stood up and wiped his hand with a handkerchief.

He paused and stared down at the helpless victim.

“Pain? – You don’t understand pain well enough to mention it so vainly”

“Your wounds will heal with time, my mental scars have been permanently engraved to my soul” He assured the prisoner.

Kimoto had already given up on escape and life, and took careless steps.

“What do you know about pain?” He resumed the dialogue.

The man paused in disbelief and adjusted his body language directly towards the younger.


“When the person who was your paradise lived happily with you knowing what you were beneath the mask disappears forever” his soft voice growing louder

“When the only person to see beyond your appearance has their soul taken by gang scum like yourself!” he gripped Kimoto’s entire face with his left hand before delivering a critical blow to the chest with his right fist.

The boy managed to share a painful grunt before the hit penetrated through the wooden pole, sending him flying backwards onto the ground with dozens of wooden pieces scattered next to him.

“And all those countless times I’ve tried leaving this Earth forcefully to follow her into the afterlife?!”

He tugged onto his shirt, ripping it off with one swing and revealing deep scars from neck to abdomen. They looked perfect in size for Katana blades. The figures '0035' were marked on his chest.

“But I cannot die!”


General Discussion / Re: YouTube
« on: April 18, 2017, 23:29:02 »
XDD That was funny as hell. Gj.
Thanks :P

General Discussion / Re: YouTube
« on: April 18, 2017, 21:47:10 »

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