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Author Topic: Benzashi Tsukinami  (Read 285 times)

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Offline BenzashiKun

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Benzashi Tsukinami
« on: August 15, 2017, 23:42:28 »
Name:Benzashi Tsukinami
Age:23
Gender:Male
Height:6'4
Weight:120 kilos
Hairstyle:Spikyy,interesting
Facial hair:None
Hair color:White
Eye color:Light Blue
Blood type:A+
Primary chakra nature:Water/Lightning
Hidden Village:Hidden Thunder
Clan:Tsukinami Clan
Good or evil at heart?:Good for a bigger part of his life...but there is a change of heart

Description of the character's personality:Mostly always relaxed,not much interested in others opinions and has a interesting sence of humor,and his favourite food is sushi with noodles,and is very,very pervy

Description of the character's history:




                                  Life before the academy
One day...at the village of thunder...The tsukinami clan was disturbed by a huge force of the rivaling clan in the volcano village,it was a bloody battle,full of hell,and death...but as soon as the last tropp of the attacking clan was gotten rid of...a special child was born with a strange aura surrounding it...that child was Benzashi Tsukinami,son of the Tsukinami clans co leader,Kenotama.

A few  years after the incident Kenotama decided to start training Benzashi,Cause he was a proud father and wanted to carry on his legacy.Benzashi didnt care much about training ,he was a pacifist,but when he had to fight,he had incredible reflex and agillity,even though he didnt want to show off at any matter.He spent most of his time playing around with his friends,pulling pranks,and peeping at the hot springs.

He was trained by his cousin,Mitonaki who taught him to use lightning jutsu,since benzashi only knew the clans special tehniques,water jutsu.

A few months later Benzashi alredy mastered it and created his own lightning jutsu,
Lightning style,Thunder dome...



                                    Life In the Academy

Benzashi has been invited to the Ninja Academy,even if he didnt want to go his Mother made him,she wanted him to be smart and strong,but he cut classes anyway and played around with his friends.


A few years later...

When the Genin exam came to be,he used his skill to create 50 clones while reading his book.The teachers were very suprised at his skill,even though they didnt think much of it,they wanted to see how he turns up,as soon as the graduation begins...

A year later...

Benzashi has continued training,furthering his skill,with his father smilin every single day to push him forward,but one day...The rival clan striked again...

This time their numbers were bigger,and the Tsukinamis clan was smaller...another big battle has begun...Benzashi this time,wanted to fight,so he rushed into battle with his father,completely demolishing the weaker troops,but then came the jonin...
Benzashi used his newly unlocked jutsu with his fathers water style,to create a huge explosion BLOWING up the opponents squadron,but there were still many left,while low on chakra,both of them rushed in with the entire clan with them...

A day later the Battle has been won by the tsukinamis,And Benzashi has made his father proud,but looking at the blood on his hands...he had many thoughts in his head...not knowing what he has done...

Benzashis graduation came,and he with his best friend Tarik went to celebrate at his favourite food place,The sushi restoraunt Wasabi.He was proud of himself and started preparing for the upcoming chunnin exam...

                                  Life after Ninja Academy

.A few days after graduation,Ben started learning New jutsu form his father,and,his new sensei,Tokoyami,who was kind of misterious,and had the power to control shadows.

He taught benzashi And His best friend Tarik how to use the jutsu,and taught them how to improve their own,after many days and nights of training,the chunnin exam began!

Benzashi,on the first written test,used his shadow tehnique to take the answers off the others,and on the second test,his water style came in handy,he created a wave,washing off all of his enemies while he could grab the scroll with his team...

Then the third round began where he fought a Volcano villages star pupil...Flareotami...It was a battle of fire against water,Benzashi was winning most of it untill Flareotami dashed behind benzashi and Used his most powerfull move on him!
Benzashi was sent flying into the wall,he couldnt even get up...then suddenly he remembered what happened in the Battle between clans...he remember all the death,and to stop it,he had to show his father how strong he is,and become stronger...
Benzashi DASHED to flare with sonic speed and Punched him in the face with all of his might.Knocking The opponent out,Benzashi won that round,but he didnt know what to prepare for in the next round...

The final round begins,And Benzashi faces his friend Tarik...a  battle between the friends to see who is stronger...They began fightning at a completely similar pace,not even being able to lay a finger on each other,untill Benzashi used most of his chakra to create a huge thunder dome around Tarik,then he hit a HUGE tsunami wave in his direction,causing a big explosion like in the battle from the clans,But Tarik didnt give up,he completely outsped Benzashi in taijutsu,And knocked him straight into the wall...But Benzashi with all of his might ,sprung down and Went for a Thunder Punch,while his rival used A Fire ball in his hand...The impact made a big boom,both of them were knocked out from the impact...

A few days later,both of them have been promoted to chunnin,even Tho Benzashi didnt care much...he was having fun with his teacher and teammates,since they did it.

A month later...
Benzashi had his usual trainings with his Father when he heard about some news,that the nearby village was attacked by some kind of...Huge Beast and it was completely destroyed...Benzashi,his team,and some other friends,with Benzashis Father went to investigate at the villages gate,but what they saw there was terrifying...It was hundrends of soldiers,lying on the ground,completely not moving,blood everywhere...when all of the sudden the beast Hopped down and caused a minor earthquake...They all teamed up for the fight to take the Beast down,but its power was still unbeliavable...the only way to stop it was to seal it,And Kenotama rushed in,dropping the seal on the Beast and Sealing it into Benzashi.

Benzashi didnt care much about it,even liked how he has become more speedier,with higher reflexes and strenght from before,but his father still wondered...what was that beast...

A week later they found out the beast was one of the Ultra beast that once went threw the world,now exctinct,there were only a small amount of them left,and whoever has them sealed in them,their power was boosted up twice or more...

Tarik was jelous of all the power Benzashi had so he stole a kage scroll,learning hidden tehniques such as the multi clone jutsu and the Cyclone bomb,even tho he cant do it well,so he challenged Benzashi to a fight.

Benzashi fought Tarik and used all of his power,they were neck and neck,but at a second,Tarik blew him away,and then Sucker punched Benzashi,preparing to hit a fire ball,But Benzashi Dashed off,knocking Tarik off of his balance and Putting him into a water prison,preparing a chidori,so he DASHED IN towards the water prison,but as soon as he hit the prison,Tarik turned into a log.A substitution!So benzashi flying away from the explosion got jumped by Tarik knocking him down and kicking him in the gut.

Benzashi feeling completely overpowered...His beast started showing,and his eyes started being bright red,so he dashed in completely beating Tarik with punches and kicks,completely outspeeding him...In a last effort,Benzashi fought Tarik with His Ultimate tehniqu(the thunder dome mixed with a water wave) in his hand,prepared to hit,and Tarik ,with his new cyclone ball. The jutsu hit and Both of them were laying on the ground...But the first one to get up was Benzashi...seing how his friend got stronger,he talked to his father,and left the village to train with his teacher,at one of the old Tsukinami bases,and Tarik stayed at the village,Training with his own clan,

Three years later Benzashi and Tarik got way stronger than before,Benzashis thunder Jutsu,and Water jutsu got stronger,and his chakra capacity.His shadow tehniques furthered his reach,But tarik,He trained so hard,his chakra capacity innormaly grew,and his wind and fire jutsu Have also become stronger.

Benzashi still wasnt satisfied so he came to the village just to grab his katan and say goodbye to his parents,and so he left the village to seek justice from the rival clans from before...

A month later,The Tsukinami clan was attacked by the  rival clan again,Benzashi heard about this,and heard that his father is severly wounded,that he will probably survive but..he can never use ninjutsu again...

Benzashi from pure rage,released the beast again ,And went and destroyed all of the Rival camps bases,Then,as soon as he looked at his hand,he got a memory from his childhood...he killed...he couldnt believe he did it..

Benzashi felt like he was going insane,,,But he kept sane...He visited his father,and Went to face His rival one more time!

Benzashi finally arrived at the aranged location but...his rival was nowhere to be seen.he senced a wierd chakra coming from the side of the village,and all of the sudden,a huge explosion blew up a side of the wall!Benzashi hurried over there to see many falled soldiers,and his father,with his last stand,fighting a wierd shinobi,he had a mask and a unreasonably huge amount of chakra.He was wearing a robe and was followed by another person,he had red hair,and his eyes were completely blank...the two went towards the kages tower.Even the ANBU got taken down.Benzashi was Fighting at the main gate untill he saw Tarik getting destroyed by the two people in robes.With a quick dash he Punched the Two away,Then summoning a water dragon.They got up and appeared infront of Tarik and Ben,grabbing them by the neck ,Preparing to end their lives...

All of the sudden,a unknown shinobi came in,throwing away the red haired man.He started pounding him with his fists,untill throwing him in the air,and hitting him with a wierd jutsu...it created a projectile,and as soon as it hit the man,Volcanic stones starting ripping threw the ground and hitting the red haired man.As soon as the man fell down,The masked man let go of Benzashi and teleporting them away with the words

''Very well...you've grown Benzashi...And this village you call home...better keep a close eye on it'' And he burst out laughing...

Benzashi looked at the ground while spitting blood,seeing the kage hopping down.The moment the kage came back,a piece of the village was alredy destroyed...
With the emotion of fear and wonder on his face he asked around,finding out about the attackers..

Meanwhile,Ben looked back at his clan location.Everyone was alright,but Bens father,was lying on the ground with both of his eyes shining Bright red.No one knew what to do ,untill he suddenly got up,with a strange aura around him,and when he looked to his left...he saw his arm was missing.Benzashi,running to his father,noticed his missing arm!

''Dad!what happened here?!

''Dont worry,i just got injured in the fight...i lost conciousness and...i dont know what happened after...''

Benzashi Checked on the rest of the village,and took the robe of one of the taken down enemies.He put it on and started leaving the village,seeking for them.

He finally arrived at the Snow village,luckily,the robe kept him worm,but he saw a strange accurance.A abnormaly tall man and one with wings started killing guards.Ben didnt know what was going on ,so he started running towards them,and as soon as he came close,they dissapeared.A genjutsu...

He looked at his hands,they were covered in blood...and around him was a burning hellish village that he was in the middle of...after walking around,he saw the masked man who said:

''This...is the end...BENZASHI!""


Suddenly,He looked around himself,he was covered in snow and there were several snow shinobi around him,they seemed to undo the genjutsu but,when he looked at his hands,there were two wierd symbols on them,he didnt know what they were,so he put on his gloves and robe again and continued walking through the village.

As soon as he left the snow,two shinobi with robes rushed in towards him for a fatal swoop to the heart and kidney,but as soon as they got their hit in,Benzashi dissapeared.They looked around,when all of the sudden Two hands pop up from the ground and drag them down.Meanwhile Benzashi busts out of the ground and Uses Thunder Dome to completely imobilize the opponents.One of them dissapeared,but his partner was in some sort of stone armour.Benzashi tried taijutsu,but as soon as he hit the robed man,His arm started to freeze,seeing that taijutsu was inefective,he jumped back and did his Water style: Tsunami wave to throw the opponent back,then using water prison.The opponents armor dissapeared,So he calmly walked to him to investigate.He found out his name was Kotami,His partnerts was Torama.He didnt want to say any more,And benzashi know that this guy was trouble,Hit him with a thunder fist to finish him off...

He walked around the hidden snows area to find the other person,and as soon as he stepped into the forest,The other robed man,Torama,Dashes in punching Benzashi in the face.

Benzashi,Getting up,notices his opponent has Water Jutsus,they seemed Weak,untill a HUGE water octopus popped up squeazing Benzashi to almost the limit.Benzashis eye started to shine and the enemy was put into a genjutsu.He was tied up to a stone,when around a thousand Benzashi clones came up to him,every single one hitting him with a Thunder Blast.He tried to stand up from the Genjutsu,but he couldnt do anything.Benzashi Picked him up by the head preparing to finish him,When Torama used a tehnique that Would shatter the ground causing a huge tsunami to happen.Benzashi couldnt risk it,so he used a Thunder Beast to blow up the wave.The beast was a mere little rabbit creature made out of lightning,but its main goal was to explode at the wave.Torama escaped,barely.

Benzashi finally left the hidden snow,heading back to his home village,seeking to see his father and rival.




                              TO BE CONTINUED!

Ill finish the story later,this here is just a rewrite from before!




Benzashis design:
http://imgur.com/a/WFbSg



Thanks for reading!
« Last Edit: August 22, 2017, 11:29:41 by BenzashiKun »


  • Character Name: Benzashi Tsukinami

Offline Suroshi

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2017, 02:13:18 »
Welcome to SLO. Hope you enjoy the game.
  • Character Name: Suroshi

Offline DarthTyrael

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2017, 09:17:41 »
Decent, though somewhat cliché superb student outclasses everyone story.

One thing I noticed and what made me rather sad - I'd prefer to see either a lookalike image from any other site instead of seeing someone literally using someone else's character appearance.

Edit -
Unless you grabbed it from another site, which after posting this, seems more likely. (Heard the art was taken from different sites already, which I thought wasn't the case)
- end edit

Other than that, welcome to SLO.

Spoiler: show

*reading threw-> reading through
« Last Edit: August 16, 2017, 10:13:41 by DarthTyrael »




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Offline BenzashiKun

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2017, 10:29:18 »
thanks,even tho everything here was pretty much on the go,im gonna take some time later and rewrite the story,almost completely,thanks,and about the img,i put it on imagr to get the link so..did not even know,ill change it dont worry,and i did not even know the other persons post excisted with the same character ;p

Edit: story has been rewriten
« Last Edit: August 16, 2017, 11:42:28 by BenzashiKun »
  • Character Name: Benzashi Tsukinami

Offline Suroshi

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2017, 14:23:00 »
Also just throwing this outhere you can use a simple basic creator to design your OC's looks with...

https://hapuriainen.deviantart.com/art/Naruto-character-creator-128745915


I also create 3D OC images with the help of IMVU and a basic idea of people's OC.
here some examples of that if interested.

https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=3433.msg58464#msg58464


^__^ Welcome to the game hope to see you in game soon.
  • Character Name: Suroshi

Offline BenzashiKun

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2017, 14:36:08 »
hm...will do!Thanks man!But the : Create your own shinobi '' thing doesnt really look good to me...soz...
« Last Edit: August 16, 2017, 14:43:48 by BenzashiKun »
  • Character Name: Benzashi Tsukinami

Offline Toratsume Nyshn

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2017, 15:51:37 »
Heya welcome to SLO.
It was a good character story, a bit overdone in some places and some possible errors (maybe)
Got some suggestions you can use to improvise the story

sun of the Tsukinami clans co leader,Kenotama.
*son

Benzashi DASHED to flare with sonic speed and Punched him in the face with all of his might.Automaticly,Benzashi won that round,
*Automatically.
Also, I'd like to know how he won the round automatically. Did he knock the opponent out? Did he kill him?
A punch at sonic speed could easily kill. Not only that, it could leave your hand in tatters (unless you use some kind of chakra enhancement/ protection)

Tarik was jelous of all the power Benzashi had so he stole a kage scroll,learning hidden tehniques such as the multi clone jutsu and the rasengan,even tho he cant do it well,so he challenged Benzashi to a fight.
It would be better if you re-word rasengan and chidori or any jutsu which is / could be possibly a copyright of Naruto. 

so he DASHED IN towards the water prison,but as soon as he hit the prison,Tarik turned into a log.IT WAS A CLONE!
Okay so log is a common object used in substituition jutsu. Shadow clones usually just vanish on being damaged.
What you have described won't be possible; unless the clone itself was using substituition.
And idk if clones can survive inside a water prison.

Benzashi fought Tarik with His water/thunder explosion shrunken in his hand,
*Shuriken?



It was good to read a char history. Especially since not many are popping up these days :3
Good luck and welcome (once again :P )



Offline BenzashiKun

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2017, 15:56:46 »
Oh,thanks for pointing those things out!I didnt have time to re-read it,the errors will be fixed as soon as i can !  :D
  • Character Name: Benzashi Tsukinami

Offline DarthTyrael

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #8 on: August 16, 2017, 18:03:46 »
Oh,thanks for pointing those things out!I didnt have time to re-read it,the errors will be fixed as soon as i can !  :D

Leave it up to @Toratsume Nyshn to point everything out. Damn Nazi :P

There's no rush, take your time.

P.S.
Spoiler: show

If you want your character's name to be clickable on the forum, place this in your profile's Character Name slot:

[url=https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=3460]Benzashi Tsukinami[/url]

___________

If you want some nice colors to it:

[b][glow=black,2,300][color=#<AnyHexColor>][url=https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=3460]Benzashi Tsukinami[/url]

___________

Just use google for some hex colors and their respective codes.




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Offline BenzashiKun

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Re: Benzashi Tsukinami
« Reply #9 on: August 16, 2017, 21:20:09 »
Note taken c;
  • Character Name: Benzashi Tsukinami

 

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