Fanfic

[CaptainSpoon]

Hey guys, America 'n Kai have actually inspired me to write a story 2. And I've literally got nothing to do all day but making sigs and throwing away my time in the chatbox. So here you go guys, hope you have fun reading it

The prequel


A mother and her child are walking in the snowy hills of the Hidden Snow                                          
"Mom?" The  little girl asked "Yes dear?" Her mother replied. "Why is it always snowing here? I want to see the sunshine dad always talks about." "Well, the snow is rumored to be a miracle through which the yukikage can watch over us at all times." -"I've heard enough, kill them at once"-                                           
A few seconds later, the snow was stained blood red.

"Yukikage, a woman and here child were found dead at the eternal hills." An ANBU member reported to the yukikage. "Have they finally come for me?" The yukikage thought. "Is something troubling your mind, Lord? "Send a report to the Hidden Thunder, to young boy Nagare." "Yes, Lord Yukikage!" and the ANBU member disappeared in an instant. "It seems we will meet at last, Yokubo!" The Yukikage thought to himself again.

So what do you think, any tips and/or grammar/spelling corrections? Or is it too fast-paced?

[Reminance]

In my opinion it looks good but short yes
Write further i say xD

[json243]

yeah make it longer but otherwise good job! XD

[CaptainSpoon]

Thanks bois

[Mandalore]

It's good, but you should start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.

[Kai]

A mother and her child are walking in the snowy hills of the Hidden Snow                                          
"Mom?" The  little girl asked

"Yes dear?" Her mother replied.

"Why is it always snowing here? I want to see the sunshine dad always talks about."

"Well, the snow is rumored to be a miracle through which the yukikage can watch over us at all times."

-"I've heard enough, kill them at once"-                                           

A few seconds later, the snow was stained blood red.

"Yukikage, a woman and her child were found dead at the eternal hills." An ANBU member reported to the yukikage.

"Have they finally come for me?" The yukikage thought.

"Is something troubling your mind, Lord?

"Send a report to the Hidden Thunder, to young boy Nagare."

"Yes, Lord Yukikage!" and the ANBU member disappeared in an instant.

"It seems we will meet at last, Yokubo!" The Yukikage thought to himself again.

Basically what Mandalore said, great story spoon! , and yeah all it needs to be is longer.

[CaptainSpoon]

It´s just a prequel, wanted to get some opinions first before deciding if I´m going to continue or not. And all opinions I got were that it´s good, so I´ll be starting a chapter now. I´ll upload one chapter every Tuesday. Hope you guys are looking forward to the next chapter, there´s gonna be action involved.

[json243]

is it going to be about nami?

[Reminance]

You should put Nami in there for our legacy unless its a completely different story

[Mars]

It's good, but you should start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes.

What Mandalwhore said but otherwise, nice style of writing

[CaptainSpoon]

Thanks, and I'm sorry for not posting a 1st chapter just got my internet back To make up for it, I'll make the chapter as long as possible.

[Reminance]

Thanks, and I'm sorry for not posting a 1st chapter just got my internet back To make up for it, I'll make the chapter as long as possible.

You better make it long or else... Nothing

[json243]

You gonna make a chapter Cap? XD

[Reminance]

He to lazy

[CaptainSpoon]

Chapter 1

It's a rainy morning in the Hidden Storm. Nagare yawns.

Why'd Lady Raikage call me so early? She knows better then to disturb my sleep. Nagere thought. Since it's so early, it might be quite important I think I'll have to stop walking and make haste right now. "I'm finally here" Nagare said out loud. Nagare knocks on lady Raikage's door.

"Come in!" The voice belonged to the Raikage.

"So, what's the problem?" Nagare asked sleepy.

"It's yokubo, they have started to make their move on the Yukikage."

"I'll be there at once, my lady" And so Nagare disappeared.

"That boy is always so impatient, I still had to tell him the were all Jonin so he wouldn't take any Chunin with him."

- In Nami no Kishi's Hideout-

"YOOOOO HACHEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON" Takashi yelled.

"What exactly do you want?"

"I want you to stop using my teeth brush!"

"Okay!"

The giant boulder that seals off the entrance to the cave slammed aside.

"You two, come with me" Nagare said while pointing at Takashi and Hachemon.

"What's the problem?" Hachemon asked.

"Yokubo" Nagare said, that one word seemed to describe everything.

"We have to hurry then" Takashi said.

"You know, Takashi, this is the one time I actually agree with you." Hachemon said with a smile on his face.

"Well then, off we go. To the Hidden Snow!" Nagare said while packing some kunai and food.

Nagare sealed the entrance off.